She got an A+

UNLV's Women Studies Department offering a series of workshops including "Sex Toys 101" and "Stripping for Everyone." Now that's a proper use of public funds.

Full article here.

Yes, I own a Marlboro t-shirt

Researchers stunned to find kids who wear alcohol logos start drinking sooner. Also shocked to learn kids do drugs, have sex, breathe air.

Article here.

Listen, I didn't start smoking because I saw a billboard of Joe Camel. Everything in this world leads to one thing: sex. I started smoking because the hot girl I worked with asked me to come outside with her for a smoke break.

Which leads to our next topic: alcohol. People don't drink because its refreshing. Young people drink because where there is alcohol, there are people looking to meet people. And people, isn't that what its all about? People meeting people to hopefully have sex?

What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Once again, you're not privileged

Here's a little history to consider.

Congress enacted the Securities Act of 1933, which required registration of publicly traded companies -- making more information open and available to the public. A year later, Congress added more protections for investors. One of those provisions made it illegal to trade stock by corporate insiders who were privy to special information that could help or hurt a stock.

Unfortunately, Congress forgot itself. It remains perfectly legal for a member of Congress to buy and sell stocks based on information that's not available to the public. Last year it was reported that a "political intelligence" firm tipped off its clients to an undelivered speech by Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist on asbestos liability. The information was profitable to those in the know.

"This is simply wrong that members of Congress can exchange information ... and get rich on it," says Rep. Brian Baird, D-Wash., who is co-sponsor of a bill to prohibit insider trading by members of Congress and their staffs.

$150 a week

Here's an item you might have left out of your personal budget: The average cost of driving a car is now $7,834 a year. AAA released its annual survey Tuesday about the average costs of owning passenger cars that are driven 15,000 miles a year.

Full article here.

The average driving cost -- a mix of expenses for small, medium and large passenger cars -- works out to $150 a week. And that's not just because the price of gasoline is hovering around $2.50 in the nation. The AAA survey factors in gasoline at 9.5 cents a mile based on a $2.40 a gallon average price nationwide at the end of 2005. Then, it adds other out-of-pocket costs like tires, insurance, maintenance, licenses and financing. (The biggest cost, however, is one many drivers don't actually see: depreciation, or how much less your car is worth every year.)

Maintenance runs $735, tires are $105 and insurance averages $926 a year. The AAA survey pegs license fees, taxes and registration at $535, finance charges at $716 and depreciation at $3,392. Gasoline added $1,425 to the total.

He didn't ask her if she can touch her elbows behind her back.

Woman who had breast enlargement surgery to transform her B-cup to a DD-cup is taking her boss to court for looking at her breasts too often.

Sabrina Pace, 26, who works at a Cardiff car-hire firm, said that after she returned to work following her breast operation, her manager, David Ford, began to pay her unwanted attention. --- Unless she was at a bar and looking to get a free drink from some guy she has no interest in anyway.

I'm just a Bill.... sitting on Capitol Hill

For anyone who took fifth-grade social studies or sang “I’m Just a Bill,” how legislation turns to law always seemed pretty simple: The House passes a bill, the Senate passes the same bill, the president signs it.

But last month, Washington threw all that old-fashioned civics stuff into a tizzy, when President Bush signed into law a bill that never passed the House. The bill – in this case, a major budget-cutting measure that will affect millions of Americans – became a law because it was “certified” by the leaders of the House and Senate.

After stewing for weeks, Public Citizen, a legislative watchdog group, sued Tuesday to block the budget-cutting law, charging that Bush and Republican leaders of Congress flagrantly violated the Constitution when the president signed it into law knowing that the version that cleared the House was substantively different from the Senate’s version.

The issue is bizarre, with even constitutional scholars saying they could not think of any precedent for the journey the budget bill took to becoming a law. Opponents point to elementary school civics lessons to make their case, while Republicans are evoking an obscure Supreme Court ruling from the 1890s to suggest a bill does not have to pass both chambers of Congress to become law.

Congressional leaders and administration officials point to an 1892 Supreme Court decision, Field v. Clark, to argue that as long as the Speaker of the House and the leader of the Senate certify a bill passed, it is passed. (In that case, a bill signed by President Benjamin Harrison and authenticated by the leaders of the House and Senate was different from the version printed in the official journals of Congress, known now as the Congressional Record.)

National Debt Clock

The national debt clock, as it is known, is shown to the right. A spot-check last week showed a readout of 8.3 trillion -- or more precisely 8,310,200,545,702 -- dollars ... and counting.

But it's not big enough.

Sometime in the next two years, the total amount of US government borrowing is going to break through the 10-trillion-dollar mark and the clock doesn't have enough space for the added digit.

The original 11 foot by 26 foot clock was eventually erected a block from Manhattan's Times Square in 1989 when the national debt stood at 2.7 trillion. Its creator was Seymour Durst.

For the next decade it tracked, odometer style, the government's red ink with an extra feature which, by dividing the main figure by the number of families in the country, offered an estimate for how much each family owed as their share.

Toward the close of the millennium, with a booming economy fuelling annual budget surpluses, the clock began to slow and finally ran into its first mechanical problem. "It wasn't designed to run backwards," Douglas Durst (son of Seymour Durst) explained.

Believing that the signboard had served its purpose, the Dursts pulled the plug in 2000 with the debt total showing around 5.7 trillion dollars and the individual "family share" standing at close to 74,000 dollars. The clock was covered with a red, white and blue curtain, but not dismantled. "We'll have it ready in case things start turning around, which I'm sure they will," Durst said at the time.

He only had to wait two years as the Bush presidency coincided with an upsurge in borrowing. The curtain was raised in 2002 and the digital readout flickered back to life showing a national debt of 6.1 trillion dollars with the numbers whizzing round faster than ever.

Last week, the "family share" readout on the clock stood some loose change short of 90,000 dollars.

How to survive the Zombie apocolypse

Because, guess what folks? It’s GOING to happen. It’s just a matter of time.

“Steve, how do I be proactive in the event of the zombie invasion?”, you might have asked yourself one day. Well, worry not my friends! Follow these instructions and you can make sure to survive just long enough until the zombies run out of food. Then it will be your job to re-populate the earth, never forgetting the valuable lesson of zombidom.

Step One – Survive the initial panic!
“The zombies are here! Holy Shit, run!” might be your first response when you hear that the zombipocolypse has occurred. Remember, though: DON’T PANIC. It’s important to have the following emergency kit with you at all times. In your car, in your house, and at work. Don’t let other people know about it, though… Once the Zombie apocalypse hits, they’ll try to take it from you.
1) 12 gauge shotgun with at least 25 rounds – Remember to aim for the head… zombies can’t stand that
2) Chainmail head and neck guard - Everyone knows Zombies go for the neck
3) One gallon jug of Gatorade – At the Gatorade institute, they came to the conclusion that people lose tons of valuable electrolytes when fighting their way through hordes of zombies. Don’t let dehydration beat you, stay in the fight!
4) An Axe – Because you’re bound to run out of ammo at the exact wrong moment.
5) A gallon jug of gasoline – Important for step four!
6) A lighter and a pack of smokes – No one wants a nic-fit in the middle of a city infested with zombies. Make sure not to mix with number five… Flaming zombies may sound cool, but they won’t be when they’re grabbing at your clothing.
7) Kevlar undergarments –Keeps away nasty zombie bites. No one likes those.
8) Sunglasses – Because blasting zombies with a 12-gauge, pump action shotgun looks cool… But doing it sunglasses looks bad ass.

Step Two – Form a band of survivors
Now that the zombies have hit, you’ll have to form a band of survivors. This won’t include your best friend, unfortunately, as you’ve probably had to blast him in a heart-wretching moment when he started to turn to a zombie. If only he had listened and had his own kit…Instead of panicing and getting bitten like the rest of the worlds unprepared douches. Oh well, keep reading. Be sure to include an equal mix of males and females in your party, including lovable stereotypes and one off-balanced ultra-badass… Since you have the kit, you’ll be the natural choice for leader, which means that you get the girl in the end. Hurray for repopulating the earth, eh!? Make sure to keep your band of survivors to around ten, or it’ll be too cumbersome to try and evacuate with all of them. Also, keep a close eye on the off-balance, ultra-badass guy. Chances are, he’s probably been bitten by now and is just hiding it from you. Keep him around for now though, because he’ll help kill zombies until step four. Chances are you’ve run out of ammo at this point, and have moved on to axing beeyotches… Keep the shotgun, though, as we’ve included a step to restocking your ammo.

Step Three – Avoid black people in your band of survivors
I know what I said earlier about mixing an equal amount of females and minorities in your band o’ normies, but let us be honest with ourselves. We’ve all seen horror flicks, and the black people are doomed from the start. Don’t give them false hope, just mumble something like, “Sorry guys, the band of survivors is full, we’ll come back for you later.” And walk briskly away. It doesn’t make you racist if you’re just following the manual.

Step Four – Get out of the city
Remember that gallon of gasoline? Now’s the time to use it! Your first instinct may be to jump in the most expensive car you see and go tearing through the city, playing zombie bowling. IGNORE THIS INSTINCT. You’re bound to get in an accident and be at the mercy of a local zombie horde. Instead, you want to go for a mini-van. This is so you can fit the rest of your survivors in there, as well as more zombie-flatting power once you start moving. Avoid the windows, as zombies have been known to punch through glass, and make sure to kick out anyone who’s been bitten in your band by this point. I know the ultra-badass guy might be intimidating, but if you’re wearing your sunglasses at this point, it’ll be alright… Just hit him with the axe when he’s not paying attention, or better yet, drive away while he’s still battling the zombies. When everyone bitches and moans about it, look at them and say, “He was already gone. I did him a favor”. Suddenly, and without warning, you will have become the new badass. Take a moment to let this sink in before moving to the next step.

Step Five – Find the nearest Mom and Pop grocery store
Mom and Pop stores are very rural, so chances are you’ll only meet a few zombies in the area. Hit them with your axe, and help yourself to Mom and Pops groceries. Make sure you restock your Gatorade and shotgun shell supplies, because you’re not safe yet. You’ll probably also find a scared child hiding in the wreckage of the small town… Take them in only after a full body search for bites and scratches (If any bites exist, use the axe liberally on their forehead. Remember, you’re the badass now). You may be tempted to get some of Mom and Pops liquor…. This is a good idea. Grab me some, too?

Step Six – Find a farm. Wait it out.
If there’s a family already hiding in your farmhouse, bring them gifts of liquor and Gatorade… Chances are, they need a drink by now! Give a second go-through your band of survivors, making sure that no one has been bitten or scratched (If you’re bitten or scratch, don’t tell anyone…. They’ll axe you), and enjoy a rural, safe life in the middle of nowhere. It will probably take about a year or so for the zombie invasion to run its course through the entire globe, and for all those zombies to die of starvation (Lucky for us, they don’t know where you are), so make sure you plant some crops in the fields. You can also go ahead of reep your rewards with the girl, as you’ve successfully saved her from certain doom, and she’s probably sweating you pretty hard right about now.


So now you know how to survive the impending zombie apocalypse. Remember these six easy steps, and you too can be repopulating the earth in no time.

Just stay away from my kit, or you’ll get a shotgun blast to the face.

Ever hit your thumb with a hammer? This is a lot worse.

14-year-old girl abducted for sex. Finds hammer under car seat. Vigorously introduces man's groin to the word NO.

A 14-year-old girl told Toledo (Ohio) police she was abducted Tuesday by a man with a gun but got away with help from a hammer. According to police, the man forced the girl into his car while she was walking to her school bus stop and said he wanted sex. So, she told him she had dropped her ring in the car and went searching for it. That's when she felt the hammer under her seat.

She was not hurt and ran to her grandmother's house. The suspect is still being sought.

$250 Billion

$250 Billion. That's what the war in Iraq has cost the American taxpayer thus far.

Break that down into each individual taxpayer. Thats $2,083 dollars per taxpayer. But the government hasn't raised taxes for you and me to help pay for this war. Instead they have borrwed from high interest banks in foreign countries.

So don't think of it as $2,083 out of your pocket.... think of it as around $200,000 out of your grandchildren's pockets. Because, really, screw them..... who cares about them anyway?

Note: Back in April 2003 the government claimed that we wouldn't spend more than 1.7 billion on this war and reconstruction of Iraq.

Don't Support Our Troops

Homeowners Association to woman: It's a $100 a day fine to post a 'support our troops' sign in your yard.

Wife of Army private in Iraq to Homeowners Association: Suck it

Before David Kelley went to Iraq, he bought his wife a "Support Our Troops" sign to display outside the couple's home.

But officials of Westchase (near Tampa, FL) view the sign differently. They say the 2-foot-high sign violates community rules. Stacey Kelley, 24, received a letter from the homeowners association last month stating she could be fined $100 a day if she does not remove the sign.

What are they fighting for? Asinine scale: I give this one a full 10.

Full article here.

Record Set for Hottest Temperature on Earth: 3.6 Billion Degrees F

Scientists have produced superheated gas exceeding temperatures of 2 billion degrees Kelvin, or 3.6 billion degrees Fahrenheit.

This is hotter than the interior of our Sun, which is about 15 million degrees Kelvin, and also hotter than any previous temperature ever achieved on Earth, they say.

And the best part.... they don't know how they did it.

The feat was accomplished in the Z machine at Sandia National Laboratories.

Full article here.

The achievement was detailed in the Feb. 24 issue of the journal Physical Review Letters.

College Board Says 4,000 SAT Scores Wrong

We're sorry we misgraded your SAT scores and screwed you out of your college of choice. On the bright side, we're going to refund the $25 fee you paid to take the test!

About 4,000 students who took the main SAT college entrance exam last October received incorrectly low scores because of problems with the scanning of their answer sheets.

The College Board, which owns the exam, notified college admissions offices of the mistake and provided the proper scores for affected students in a letter received by some Tuesday afternoon. A College Board spokeswoman, Jennifer Topiel, said students would be notified by e-mail Thursday. Affected students will be refunded their fees from that sitting, the letter said.

Admissions officials said this mistake is forcing schools to scramble to re-evaluate candidates at a time when many are trying to make final decisions. "For some this means a scholarship adjustment, for some it means admission to a more selective program within the school," said Jacquelyn Nealon, dean of admissions and financial aid at New York Institute of Technology, where she said between 25 and 50 applicants were affected. "We'll pull all those folders tomorrow and reach out to any students," she said. "For a school that processes tens of thousands of applications, this is major."

Senate to Take First St. Patrick’s Recess

Congress set to take first St. Patrick's Day recess, otherwise known as the Ted Kennedy Rule.

Embattled incumbents in need of more campaign and fundraising time before the mid-term elections have come up with inventive ways of getting it. One of the more unique ideas? A St. Patrick's Day break, which lawmakers are already bending their schedules around.

Rep. Jo Bonner (R-Ala.) noted many Members had raised concerns over the fact that Congress often remains in session for up to 10 weeks during the early spring. ".....or the last three years, depending on when Easter is, you can have an eight-, nine-, even 10-week run there,” Bonner said, later adding: “That affects mental well-being."

As opposed to the rest of Americans who work year round.

Super Troopers in real life

Illinois cops enjoy drinking and partying. In uniform. On duty. With underage girls. On camera.

Residents say rumors about Monmouth cops, alcohol and underage drinking have been floating around town for months.

Pictures that recently surfaced speak for themselves. The photos were taken last summer at Monmouth cop Terry Hepner's home. The girls in the photos are drinking - and they're underage. Officer Randy Ewing stands smiling in between them. He was on-duty at the time.

Monmouth Police Chief Brad Ziegler says he's very disappointed with the incident. The officers were disciplined in September. He wouldn't say what their punishment was, but did say the situation's been resolved. All 3 cops there that night are now back on duty. Prosecutors didn't file any criminal charges against the officers.

I guess if you have a badge, especially in a small town, the law and its consequences don't apply to you.

USC player gets played

USC guard Gabe Pruitt gave some crafty Cal students a way into his head at the foul-line....resulting in a couple missed free-throws and a loss for SC.

When USC guard Gabe Pruitt took his first trip to the free throw line early in the game, the Cal student section hollered in unison: "VIC-TOR-IA, VIC-TOR-IA," and then yelled out a telephone number. Pruitt glanced back at the crowd in horror and bewilderment before clanking his free throws.

It turns out that a couple of students from the Cal student section had been IMing with Pruitt all week under the identity of "Victoria," a fictional UCLA hottie, and Pruitt was eagerly anticipating a date with this girl after the game. In preparation for the date, Pruitt had handed over his digits, which the Cal student section recited back to him in unison.

Pruitt, a 79% free throw shooter this season, missed both shots after the "VIC-TOR-IA" chants began, and hit only three out of 13 shots the whole game. Cal beat USC by 11 for the season sweep.

Big Stars just don't get Jon Stewart

Judging by the audience's reception to Jon Stewart, he will find his place in Oscar hosting history alongside Chris Rock and David Letterman, both of whom were judged to be poor hosts. Rich Hollywood stars just don't get Jon Stewart

Coming back from one break, Stewart pretended to be in mid-sentence. "And that is why I think Scientology is right, not just for this city, but for the country," he said, clearly mocking some stars' commitment to Scientology. Hollywood sat silent.

Instructing the audience to not pirate films, Stewart referred to the rich and lavishly dressed audience and said, "These are the people you're stealing from." Those people did not find his remark funny.

Re-merger

AT&T is nearing a deal to acquire BellSouth Corp. for $65 billion.

Together, AT&T and BellSouth could have combined market capitalization of nearly $160 billion, dwarfing rival Verizon. The merged company would have 70 million local-line phone customers and nearly 10 million broadband subscribers. The two companies also own Cingular, the largest wireless carrier in the United States, and Yellowpages.com, an online directory.

Good thing the federal government spent all that time and money to break them up in 1984.

Politically Correct

I saw these on some website. I thought they were funny enough to share.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

9. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

10. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"

Man Offered Job Back After Media Learns of Story

Remember my post yesterday about the guy who was fired because he refused to go to work because he wanted to remain by his dying wife's side. If you didn't, scroll down and read it before reading this one.

The company that fired a 13-year employee as his wife lay dying of brain cancer said Wednesday it has offered him his job back – with back pay. But Bernard Chippie, a sales representative for carpet-cleaning company Rug Doctor, said he isn’t sure if the offer is valid – or if he’d take it if it were.

“I don’t think the offer is one of compassion. They’re afraid of what I might do (a lawsuit),” he said.

I think a lawsuit has better retirement benefits.

Article here.

Man fired after being at dying wife's bedside

A man said he was fired from his job of 13 years for staying with his wife as she died of brain cancer.

Bernard Chippie, a sales representative for a carpet-cleaning company, said he notified his employer on Feb. 13 that he would not be able to finish his weekly route because he had just learned his wife had between two days and a week to live.

"There was never a question of where I needed to be," Chippie said. He went to Kathleen Chippie's bedside at a hospice that day.

Three days later — a Thursday — his boss at Rug Doctor LP demanded that Chippie be at work the next day, Chippie said. Chippie said he couldn't and was fired, he said.

His wife died that Sunday at the age of 56.

Kids build soybean-fueled car

The star at last week's Philadelphia Auto Show wasn't a sports car or an economy car. It was a sports-economy car — one that combines performance and practicality under one hood.

But as CBS News correspondent Steve Hartman reports in this week's Assignment America, the car that buyers have been waiting decades comes from an unexpected source and runs on soybean bio-diesel fuel.

A car that can go from zero to 60 in four seconds and get more than 50 miles to the gallon would be enough to pique any driver's interest. So who do we have to thank for it. Ford? GM? Toyota? No — just five kids from the auto shop program at West Philadelphia High School.

The five kids, along with a handful of schoolmates, built the soybean-fueled car as an after-school project. It took them more than a year — rummaging for parts, configuring wires and learning as they went. As teacher Simon Hauger notes, these kids weren't exactly the cream of the academic crop. "We have a number of high school dropouts," he says. "We have a number that have been removed for disciplinary reasons and they end up with us."

"We made this work," says Hauger. "We're not geniuses. So why aren't they [auto manufacturers] doing it?" The answer, he says, is the big oil companies.

Yeeeeeaaaahhh Boyeeeee!

Smithsonian's National Museum of American History is preparing a hip-hop exhibit. The collected objects trace the evolution of hip-hop from its origins in the Bronx in the 1970s to its current global reach. The project is expected to cost as much as $2 million and take up to five years to complete.

Items to include two turntables and a microphone, gats, 40's, ho's & bitches, a couple ounces of Indo, a gang of Tanqueray, bling bling, and the Shroud Of Tupac.

Article here.

Higher Insurance Rates for Blue Collar Workers

Geico discriminates against poor people, the good news is, they just made a bunch of money by you paying 70% more on your car insurance.

Geico insurance charges more to insure the automobiles of customers who have a lower occupational status or educational background. In a February 2004 document entitled "Geico Auto Group Guide to Company Placement," the insurer explains how "unskilled and semi-skilled blue- and gray-collar workers" are more of a risk and should be charged higher rates accordingly."

Risks who have achieved at least a high school diploma or its equivalent are more favorable than those without a high school education," the document explains. "Bachelors, masters and other advanced degrees are considered most favorable.

"The New Jersey Star-Ledger compared the rates of a 30-year-old single male from Newark and found if he were a lawyer with a master's degree he'd pay $1686 a year. If he were a high school educated janitor, he would pay $2880 -- 70 percent more.