Dumb & Dumber

Dumb: Soliciting sex from a prostitute.

Dumber: You’re a cop.

Dumbest: So is she.

Full article here.

Ray Guns a Reality

The Active Denial System weapon, classified as "less lethal" by the Pentagon, fires a 95GHz microwave beam at rioters to cause heating and intolerable pain in less than five seconds. The discomfort is designed to prompt people caught in the microwave beam to move away from it, thereby allowing riot-control personnel to break up and manage a crowd.

But New Scientist magazine reported that during tests carried out, participants playing the part of rioters were told to remove glasses and contact lenses to protect their eyes. In another test they were also told to remove metal objects such as coins from their clothing to prevent local hot spots from developing on their skin. And you thought pepper spray was bad.

In other news, my mini pizza should be done. *ding*

Oh Officer, what a big nightstick you have.

If you get pulled over in one North Carolina county, chances are you are getting a ticket. Of all the traffic stops, which totaled over 8,500, made by Greenville Police Department officers last year, 87 percent ended in a citation being issued to a driver.

In related news, 13 per cent of residents of one North Carolina county are blonde with large boobs.

And the Mother of the Year Award goes to....

An Oklahoma woman who allegedly drank so much that she gave birth to a drunk baby is charged with child neglect. A police affidavit says Melissa Tanner had a blood alcohol content of .29 percent when she gave birth June 30. Police said the baby girl was born with a blood alcohol level of .21 percent.

Police said Tanner told them she and another person had just polished off a case of beer, and that she regularly drank during pregnancy. A sheriff's investigator said the baby has fetal alcohol syndrome.

O B V I O U S

Our research dollars hard at work: Study shows teenagers who give up physical activity and slump in front of TV or computer screen are at greatest risk of obesity.

No shit Sherlock, when's your next case?

What can't Nature do?

Hurricane Dennis put a 510 foot ship, which was sunk as an artificial reef, into correct position. (The ship is named USS Spegiel Grove, and is the largest ship intentionally sank to make an artificial reef.)

It's a position project organizers wanted since the ship prematurely sank and rolled over May 17, 2002, leaving its upside-down bow protruding from the water.

Florida residents are hoping that the next hurricane will fix the failing educational and medical care systems.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Man trying to escape "evil cloud"chasing him turns the wrong direction on a one way street hitting 5 vehicles. A driver plowed his pickup into a motorcycle, a car and a van while headed the wrong way on a busy road in Anchorage on Wednesday afternoon and told police that he didn't regret hurting people because "they were trying to stop him from getting away from the evil cloud that was chasing him," according to Anchorage police.

In other news, methamphetamine is one hell of a drug.

Cops just want to say Hello

For motorists wondering whether police are working on a quota system, an answer can be found in Montana.

A new policy requires state troopers to stop at least one vehicle an hour, whether the driver has done anything wrong or not. But the driver doesn't have to be ticketed, so police officials say it's not a quota system.

State police Colonel Paul Grimstad said the rule that took effect on Monday is intended to reduce traffic accidents and drunken driving.

Ahem, watch your step. You don't want to step in all of this bullshit.

I Hate the Law (Part 2)

Fitzroy Barnaby, who is 28 years old, said he had to swerve to avoid hitting a 14-year-old girl who walked in front of his car without paying attention at all.

She said he yelled, "Come here, little girl," before getting out of his car and grabbed her by the arm to give her a strong lecturing.

Let’s highlight a few key words of the previous sentence. “…..grabbed her by the arm.....”

Barnaby was then arrested. He was acquitted on kidnapping and child abduction charges, but found guilty of unlawful restraint of a minor, which is a sex offence.

Under the law, Barnaby must now register as a sex offender with the local police and must move out of his home because he lives too close to a local school.

This man’s life is now ruined because of the great American legal system. Our infallible legal system, wouldn’t you say?

I Hate Cops (Part 1)

Man goes to prison for obstruction of police duties after jumping into river and saving swimmer whom the police were also trying to rescue. (Texas)

Dave Newman saved the life of Abed Duamni after Abed had gone for a swim and didn't realize the strength of the swirling river currents.

Let us assess the situation: The local yokel cops, most likely out of shape, were trying to save Abed. Dave Newman, seeing this, was obviously an excellent swimmer and jumped in to save Abed where the police were failing. He was rewarded by being arrested for obstruction of official duties. I guess you can't have "trained officials" upstaged by a normal citizen. I ask you to ponder what would have happened if Mr. Newman was not there that day? Abed Duamni might be dead.

Abed literally had to thank Dave Newman for saving his life while Dave was being placed in handcuffs.

The days of the hero are long gone my friends.

To the police department of San Marcos, Texas, I give you an asshat rating of 9. (1 being least asanine and 10 being highest level of asinity.)

Full article here.