Bill Gates Gets Raise

Bill Gates reportedly got an 11-percent salary increase.

I believe he said he plans to pay off some credit card debt and buy that new car he's always wanted. Or maybe buy Canada. Its an opportunity cost, you know?

Congressional Misconduct

House Majority Leader Tom DeLay was indicted by a Texas grand jury Wednesday on a charge of conspiring to violate political fundraising laws, forcing him to temporarily step aside from his GOP post.

The indictment stems from a plan DeLay helped set in motion in 2001 to help Republicans win control of the Texas House in the 2002 elections for the first time since Reconstruction. The grand jury accused DeLay (and others) of conspiring to route corporate donations from DeLay's Texas committee to the Republican Party in Washington, then returning the money back to Texas legislative candidates. It was a scheme intended to evade a state law outlawing corporate donations going to candidates, the indictment said.

One corrupt congressional scumbag down, 534 to go.

Happy Birthday Kermit

Happy Birthday to Kermit D. Frog who turns 50 years old today.


The original Kermit — cut from an old coat belonging to Jim Henson's mom — first appeared in a 1955 comedy show called Sam and Friends.

Edumacation

70% of schools in Alabama do not have microscopes.

Seventy percent. So you know what they do? They show the kids a picture of a microscope.

Listen, if your school doesn't have the common sense to have a fuckin bake sale and buy a couple of them, then don't have a school. Just wake the kids up and show them a picture of a school.

Not Surprisingly

Only 6% of speeding police caught by law enforcement cameras ended up paying their fines.

However, 97% of regular civilians have to pay their speeding tickets.

The question was asked how many police vehicles not answering emergency calls nor flashing their lights were caught in the year speeding. Astonishingly, police officers were able get out of paying their fines.

Does this surprise anyone? ...... Didn't think so.

Right to Bear Arms

The New York Times reported that the New Orleans superintendent of police directed that no civilians in New Orleans will be allowed to have guns and that “only law enforcement are allowed to have weapons.” ABC News quoted New Orleans’ deputy police chief, saying, “No one will be able to be armed. We are going to take all the weapons.”

And thats exactly what they did. They started confiscating firearms off of citizens who had committed no crime.

The National Rifle Association then filed suit against the New Orleans Law Enforcement Agency and the United States District Court for the Eastern District in Louisiana today sided with the NRA and issued a restraining order to bar further gun confiscations from peaceable and law-abiding victims of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans.

God Bless the 2nd Amendment.

Interesting take on things

Hey, you can't argue with the news, right?

Dumbass of the Day

Dumbass of the Day is brought to you proudly by the town of Pensicola, Florida.

Car theives stole a car from a gas station, then returned an hour later to fill up. Jailarity ensued.

Cell Phone Driving Restrictions

New drivers have enough things to worry about without adding cellphones and other wireless devices to the mix, federal safety regulators say. They want all states to make it illegal for teenagers and other novice drivers to talk on phones.

No word yet on restrictions for 90 year old women with 4 inch thick glasses.

It Pays to Discover, VISA, Mastercard, American Express

Banks saw their chance and snuck in a five cent per gallon gas price increase while everybody was busy blaming oil companies.

Credit-card companies have increased fees for gas stations that allow customers to use credit cards to pay for gasoline. When gasoline cost $1.50, credit-card companies charged roughly 4 cents per gallon. But companies have pushed that fee up to 9 cents for every gallon sold. And now more people are using credit cards to pay for gas because they don't carry around that kind of cash (to pay for the high gas prices). When they raise the fee for usage of the card at the pumps, the gas station owners must raise the price of gas and it gets passed on to the pocket of the consumer.

So, while everyone was distracted blaming the oil companies (myself included), nobody noticed the profits of the credit-card companies. The credit-card companies are making almost as much as the oil companies.

R.I.P. Beer Pong

September 20, 2005 will from now on be known as The Day Beer Pond Died.

There is no more beer pong at Dr. Dremo's Bar by order of the Arlington county police and the Virginia Alcoholic Beverage Control. It seems that drinking games are not permitted in bars in the state of VA.

I guess Dr. Dremo's Bar should turn to more wholesome, family-oriented entertainment. Anyone up for a good cockfight?

Call me suspicious (I hate cops and lawmakers), but I did some research. According to a bulletin published by the Virginia Depeartment of Alcoholic Beverage Control titled "Instructions for Operating Under a Retail Alcoholic Beverage Licence" there is no statute or regulation of beer pong, unless the game were considered a form of illegal gambling.

Consider this a challenge, lawyers and lawyers-to-be: How is Virginia justifying the banning of beer pong? God speed.

Giant Tarp... I mean Dress Donated

Star Jones Reynolds is donating her Emmy dress to Katrina victims.

Officials say shelter for 1,000 victims now available.

Skynet controls my House

Recently, The Washington Post printed an article explaining how the appliance manufacturers plan to drive consumers insane.

Of course, they don't say they want to drive us insane. What they say they want to do is have us live in homes where "all appliances are on the Internet, sharing information" and appliances will be "smarter than most of their owners." For example, the article states, you would have a home where the dishwasher "can be turned on from the office" and the refrigerator "knows when it's out of milk" and the bathroom scale "transmits your weight to the gym."

I frankly wonder whether the appliance manufacturers have been smoking crack. I mean, did they ever stop to ask themselves WHY a consumer, after loading a dishwasher, would go to the office to start it? Would there be some kind of career benefit?

YOUR BOSS: What are you doing?
YOU (tapping computer keyboard): I'm starting my dishwasher!
YOUR BOSS: That's the kind of productivity we need around here!
YOU: Now I'm flushing the upstairs toilet!


Is this the kind of future we're headed towards? Do you want appliances that are smarter than you? Of course not. Your appliances should be dumber than you, just like your furniture and your representatives in Congress.

....And Injustice for All

Daniel LaPlante is a convicted triple murderer and not just any triple murderer, either. He broke into a neighbor's house in rural Townsend in 1987, raped and executed the pregnant mother who lived there, then drowned her 7-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son in separate bathtubs. He smirked at the jury that convicted him.

The Superior Court judge who presided over his trial, Robert Barton, now retired, said: ''Of the 150 murder cases I heard, he is one of only five that I would personally have no problem pulling the switch on the electric chair myself. He was incorrigible, he would never be rehabbed, and we'd be wasting our money feeding and clothing him."

We've also wasted our money doing something else: pushing a lawsuit on his behalf. In 2001, LaPlante complained about his safety in prison, and he was placed under extensive lockup. Unhappy with that, he sued state officials in federal court. Among other complaints, he said he wasn't allowed sexually explicit mail. A lawfirm, Palmer & Dodge, took his case supposedly pro bono, though please read on. In fact, it didn't just take the case, it seemed to devote itself to it, assigning a partner, a senior associate, a midlevel associate, and a junior associate -- four lawyers in all.

Before I go on, spare me the argument from all the Lexus Liberals that even the most heinous criminals have the right to legal representation. They do. But is a convicted murderer really entitled to a battery of downtown lawyers because he wasn't getting access to pornographic pictures in the mail?

Palmer & Dodge won the suit and lo and behold, its pro bono work wasn't free any more. Federal law allows a firm to submit a bill when it wins a civil rights case, and it did: $125,000 in all. Judge Gertner ordered the state to pay $99,981 of it.

That bears repeating: State taxpayers spent $100,000 on behalf of a convicted killer who slaughtered a pregnant woman and her kids.

In short, LaPlante gets top-shelf legal representation. Palmer & Dodge gets another hundred grand. And as too often happens, state taxpayers get nothing more than the bill

Storm Relief Money being spent at strip clubs

Houston police yesterday discovered the recently issued $2,000 dollar relief cards, provided by FEMA and the Red Cross, being used at local strip clubs.

Going to strip clubs on your FEMA card after Hurricane Katrina: Priceless

Over half in teen group say they've had oral sex

More than half of American teens age 15 to 19 have engaged in oral sex, increasing to nearly 70 percent for those who are 18 and 19, according to the largest federal study of the nation's sexual practices.

So that indirectly means that half of America's teens have slightly sore jaws and great gag reflex control.

I thought Asian people were supposed to be smart.

In Tokyo, Japan, a woman who hired a hitman to murder the wife of her lover, and then complained to police when he didn't do the job, has been arrested along with the hitman, police said.

Her motive for hiring what she believed to be a contract killer was because she felt betrayed by her lover because his wife gave birth.

Dumbass.

What about trimming the hedges?

A man in Omaha, Nebraska mowed a 30-foot-long "FUCK U" into his front lawn to protest city's fining him for having his grass and weeds exceeding the 10-inch law. The expletive is exempt from being ticketed since it's now shorter than 10 inches.

Man effectively flips everyone the bird under the protection of the First Amendment.

Save My Stuff!

Amid the chaos and confusion that engulfed New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina struck, congressman William Jefferson used National Guard troops to check on his property and rescue his personal belongings — even while New Orleans residents were trying to get rescued from rooftops.

Military sources tells ABC News that Jefferson asked the National Guard to take him on a tour of the flooded portions of his congressional district. A 5-ton military truck and a half dozen military police were dispatched.
Lt. Col. Pete Schneider of the Louisiana National Guard tells ABC News that during the tour, Jefferson asked that the truck take him to his home on Marengo Street, in the affluent uptown neighborhood in his congressional district. According to Schneider, this was not part of Jefferson's initial request.

Full article here.

These are our elected officials. More concerned with a few knick-knacks and jewelry than human lives.

Hospitals Kill

A hospital in Boston administered 60 times the recommended dose of sedatives to an elderly man continues to insist he died of "pneumonia."

State investigators say even after a nurse discovered the error, the hospital mistakenly gave the patient, who was not identified, other sedatives and antidepressants for two days as the man's blood pressure dropped.
Nurses also administered two doses of antibiotics more than six hours late.

When asked if the medication errors contributed to the death, Brockton Hospital spokesman Rich Copp said an autopsy concluded that he died of pneumonia.

Yeah, right… and baby I promise that if I pull out early I won’t get you pregnant.

Food, water, Ferarri. You know, the essentials.

Your tax dollars at work: Katrina victims using their FEMA-provided debit cards to buy $800 Louis Vuitton purses and other luxury items.

The distinctive white cards were distributed by the Red Cross and the Federal Emergency Management Agency and carry a value of up to $2,000.

"We've seen three of the cards," said a senior employee of the Louis Vuitton store at the Lenox Square Mall (Atlanta). "Two I'm certain have purchased; one actually asked if she could use it in the store. This has been since Saturday." He goes on to say, "It doesn't say anything on the card other than alcohol, tobacco and firearms cannot be purchased with it. There's nothing legally that prevents us from taking it, unfortunately. Morally its wrong, but legally it isn't."

I agree. Morally, I hope she gets crotch rott.

Government Censorship

CNN openly questions why they could cover the Iraq War and South Pacific tsunami devastation, but FEMA won't let them cover ongoing New Orleans rescue operations.

And by "openly questions", I mean "files lawsuit".

Update: CNN has obtained a restraining order to prevent emergency officials in the Hurricane Katrina disaster zone from preventing the media from covering the recovery of bodies.

Me Love You Long Time... in Rhode Island

Although soliciting sexual favors on the street is illegal in Rhode Island, authorities say a loophole in state law allows prostitution behind closed doors.

"We don't have a law criminalizing prostitution indoors," said Providence Police Lt. Thomas Verdi, who leads the department's anti-prostitution efforts.

You know, Rhode Island is a beautiful state. I've often thought of moving there.

Cheerleading: A Way of Life

The following was a paper that was turned in as an assignment in college. Thankx to Jon and his Thing of the Day website for the original post of this paper.

Cheerleading: A Way of Life

Thinking back on my childhood, I can't remember anything to specific that has changed me as a person today. The more I thought about it, cheerleading stuck out in my mind as to something changing my life. Cheerleading has changed the way I am as a person, how I walk, how I act and sometimes when watching movies I critique things. Every since my sister had joined the community cheerleading program I wanted to be right there cheering with them but I wasn't old enough yet, at age five. For Halloween one year I took my sisters uniform and dressed up like a cheerleader. I've cheered for ten years and I miss it now. I have even learned how to spell some words through cheers such as be aggressive, offense, and defense just to name a few. I feel as though if didn't cheer then I wouldn’t be as loud as I am. You have to learn to yell from your diaphragm not your throat. This helps me sing better as well

If I didn't cheer then I wouldn't be as athletic I don't think. Well on the other hand I probably could run better if I didn't cheer. Throughout all ten years of cheering I injured my right knee one year and my left knee two years later. Injuring my left knee just about killed me. I couldn't walk for about three days but it made me stronger. If I wanted to continue to cheer then I had to strengthen my knee, that made me go into the weight room and lift weights not just for my knee but for my arms and legs as well. Once you injure yourself in any sport you become more dedicated to whatever you are doing. It takes more motivation and dedication to get back up and do the same things you once did and the things you did when you injured yourself. With me I just about had a round-off back-handspring before I injured my left knee. When I was able to tumble again I was so scared to through any tumbling in fear that I would re-injure my knee and be done cheering. I was cautious for a while but after a few weeks I got back into the swing of things. I've learned when my knee is about to give out and when I need to stop what I'm doing so I don't totally mess it up and need to get surgery on it.

That which does not kill us, makes us stronger. Cheerleading has defiantly has made me stronger as a person. Cheerleading is mainly politics; who you know, how you look, and how you act are just a few things that impacts your try out score. They say your score is based solely on skills but it isn't. I'm glad I had made the squad because I broke the norm of what cheerleaders looked like. Most of the cheerleaders at our school were skinny or tall and long legged. I didn't fit into this category but younger students that weren’t “cheerleading material” looked up to me.

3.99 per minute

Kentucky governor's office urges hurricane evacuees to call Red Cross, gives out phone number. And because you're reading this on my blog, you know it was the wrong phone number..... And that it belonged to a phone-sex operation.

What are you wearing?

What up Dawg?

Hip-hop star KANYE WEST is advising his white counterparts that they can only use certain slang terms when they're out of style for black people. He believes that certain slang words should only be able to cross racial barriers when they're no longer in style for black people.

He goes on to say, "I think white people are allowed to say 'bling'. They are allowed to say old-school black slang, like 'hottie' and 'homie.' "
"Actually, I do not think that (white people) are allowed to use slang until it is at least a year old. If you say a slang word too early, it's like you're trying to be black. So as long as the slang is a little played out, you're all good."

Can we used the phrase "Kanye Wested" ?? Cuz you know, he's a little played out now too.

Big Oil

Fuel crisis? Short supply? In other news, ExxonMobil's profits are likely to soar above $10 billion this quarter alone.

ExxonMobil's profits are likely to soar above $10 billion this quarter on the back of the fuel crisis. That's $110 million a day, and more net income than any company has ever made in a quarter. It's also a stunning 69 percent increase over the same period a year ago and a 34 percent jump from the $7.6 billion Exxon made just last quarter.

And to top this off President Bush has just given a tax break to ExxonMobil. Of all the companies in the history of the world that needed a tax break, this month, ExxonMobil should be at the bottom of the list.

What? 7 Miles to the gallon isn't good?

Kuwait pledges $500 million in oil for hurricane Katrina relief, which ought to keep two Hummers and an Excursion on the road for an extra month.