Riggem

Scared of Sharks?

2006-08-22T11:12:00.000-04:00

How would you like to be in this kayak?

Security 'Bad News for Sex Drive'

2006-08-14T18:51:00.000-04:00

A woman's sex drive begins to plummet once she is in a secure relationship, according to research conducted by almost every married man on planet earth.

Researchers from Germany found that four years into a relationship, less than half of 30-year-old women wanted regular sex. Conversely, the team found a man's libido remained the same regardless of how long he had been in a relationship.

They found 60% of 30-year-old women wanted sex "often" at the beginning of a relationship, but within four years of the relationship this figure fell to under 50%, and after 20 years it dropped to about 20%. In contrast, they found the proportion of men wanting regular sex remained at between 60-80%, regardless of how long they had been in a relationship.

Cingul has crapy recep__

2006-07-08T16:09:00.000-04:00

Cingular Wireless Corp. promised to provide uninterrupted service to AT&T Wireless customers when it acquired that company in 2004, but instead it nickel-and-dimed them and degraded their reception in an effort to persuade them to sign new contracts, a federal lawsuit said Thursday.

The lawsuit, which alleges breach of contract and violations of consumer protection laws, seeks class-action status on behalf of the more than 20 million customers AT&T Wireless had at the time of the merger. Many paid $18 "transfer" fees to switch to Cingular plans and were required to buy new phones or pay other fees, said the complaint filed in U.S. District Court in Seattle.

"Everyone who signed an AT&T contract had their service degraded," attorney Mike Withey said at a news conference Thursday.

Atlanta-based Cingular acquired Redmond-based AT&T Wireless Services Inc. for $41 billion in October 2004, and promised in advertisements and news releases that the customers of both companies would see uninterrupted and even improved service as a result of the "combined network."

Full article here.

Exxon loses lawsuit that was filed against them in 1991

2006-07-08T15:54:00.000-04:00

Two law firms will get $300 million from Exxon lawsuit. 10,000 plaintiffs will split what's left. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Two Miami law firms were awarded more than $300 million Thursday in attorneys fees for their work in a 15-year legal battle involving Exxon Mobil Corp. and thousands of service station dealers who sued the company.

U.S. District Judge Alan S. Gold gave the two law firms about 30 percent of the total settlement of $1.075 billion agreement awarded to the plaintiffs, amounting to about $320 million, The Miami Herald reported on its Web site.

The case against Irving, Texas-based Exxon Mobil Corp. began in 1991 when the service stations accused the company of failing to provide promised discounts for wholesale motor fuel and fraudulently hiding its failure to pay.

A jury found in favor of the dealers in 2001 and ordered Exxon to pay $500 million, but the company appealed that verdict. The U.S. Supreme Court denied Exxon's last appeal this past June, by which time the payment had increased to more than $1 billion with interest.

The settlement comes as a court-appointed official assesses the claims of the more than 10,000 service station owners involved in the suit.

Wrongly Convicted Man Freed

2006-07-07T17:26:00.000-04:00

The Innocence Project helps to free another wrongly convicted man who spent two decades in prison for a crime he didn't commit:

A man who spent more than two decades in prison after being wrongfully convicted of a brutal rape was freed Thursday because DNA evidence has cleared him.

After his paperwork was processed, he stepped outside the courthouse, thanking his attorneys and offering his sympathy to the woman whose rape led to his wrongful conviction. "My unjust conviction denied both of us justice," Newton said. "It opens up old wounds and denies her closure."

He said he planned to enjoy a home-cooked meal and visit the New Jersey grave of his mother, who died about 10 years ago.

Newton was convicted of raping the 25-year-old woman in an abandoned Bronx building in 1984 and was sentenced to up to 40 years in prison.
In 1994 he filed a motion asking that new DNA testing be conducted, but the request was denied because the evidence was "unavailable."

A similar request was granted four years later, but testing of the victim's clothing "failed to yield the presence of male DNA," the papers said.

At the request of the Innocence Project, the Bronx district attorney's office last year asked the New York Police Department's property clerk division to search for the rape kit at an evidence warehouse in Queens.
Despite what Innocence Project lawyers and prosecutors said were earlier claims that it was lost or had been destroyed, officials found the kit, which was tested for DNA by two labs earlier this year. The tests cleared Newton.

Newton said he wants to complete his bachelor's degree and figure out career options. He was a bank teller at the time of his arrest. He also indicated he would pursue legal action against the police department for its handling of the case.

Man vs. God in fireworks display

2006-07-05T18:27:00.000-04:00

Mother Nature's fireworks are cooler.... and more destructive.

Didn't this happen once before?

2006-05-21T21:12:00.000-04:00

Iranian Parliament passes law to require Jews and Christians to wear badges.

What could possibly go wrong?

Immigrant steals sex offender's identity.

2006-05-21T20:39:00.000-04:00

When stealing identities, make sure victim isn't a sex offender.

Federal agents say an immigrant charged with identity theft is accused of trying to pass himself off as someone else with legal problems — a convicted sex offender.

Alejandro Borbonio-Fernandez, 41, was arrested April 27 after he started working in Murfreesboro under the identity of a man who was deported after failing to sign up for the sex offender registry, according to Anthony Langeland, a senior special agent with the Bureau of Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

Happy Crack

2006-05-21T20:18:00.000-04:00

PENN HILLS, Pa. -- Critics say it's an overreaction. Some elementary school students in Pennsylvania got suspended for mixing up sugar and Kool-Aid crystals -- and calling it "Happy Crack."

Officials in the Penn Hills School District said the kids were imitating drug activity. They put the mixture in plastic bags and labeled it "Happy Crack."

But some parents don't think that should have gotten the students suspended from Shenandoah Elementary School.

At least one school board member agrees. She says the colored mixture looked like the grainy candy found inside Pixy Stix -- and she didn't see anything wrong with it.

The principal and school superintendent haven't commented on the incident.

WalMart has hired goons known as lawyers.

2006-05-13T18:21:00.000-04:00

Despite the fact that it's not yet a government agency, Wal-Mart threatens rural farmers with eminent domain to get their land.

The world's largest retailer, battling to build a huge new distribution center in Putnam County, is threatening a handful of rural residents that they may have their land taken if they don't agree to sell it to the company.

Representatives of Wal-Mart have told the landowners they will ask Putnam County to use its powers of eminent domain if the families won't sell. The retailer needs about a half-dozen parcels to widen a road that would provide access to a proposed 800,000-square-foot distribution center just over the Volusia County line -- a project Volusia officials have gone to court to block.

A letter to the landowners gave them until 5 p.m. Thursday to agree to a deal with the company.

Stop shoping at Wal-Mart people. Oooo, look, CaddyShack 2 DVD for only $4.99

.... therefore all cops are assholes too.

2006-05-13T17:56:00.000-04:00

Judge upholds traffic stop based on a police officer's assumption that anybody driving after midnight must be drunk.

A judge has rejected a motion to dismiss the testimony of an officer who said anyone driving after midnight is a drunken driving suspect.

Highway Patrol Trooper Ryan Hoffner testified in Northwest District Court (North Dakota) last month in the case of Darren Lee Bachmeier, who was charged with drunken driving. "It is assumed that everyone on the road after midnight is a suspect for driving under the influence," Hoffner testified, according to court documents. He said statistics bear that out.

Bachmeier had asked the judge to throw out evidence against him based on outrageous governmental conduct, but that motion was denied.

Full article here.

Also, anyone driving who has black skin must be a crack dealer.

Smart Investment

2006-05-13T17:40:00.000-04:00

Norway's richest man no longer a Norwegian after switching citizenship to Cyprus to avoid income tax.

Norway's richest man has become a citizen of Cyprus, allowing him to avoid income tax for himself and inheritance tax for his daughters. John Frederiksen made billions of kronor in shipping and aquaculture.

No income tax? Where is the wonderful land you speak of? (For those of you who don't know, the U.S. Constitution never allows for an income tax, and early on in its history it was debated as being unconstitutional.)

Search: SEXXX

2006-05-13T17:18:00.000-04:00

New feature in Google lets you track what regions of the world search for the most.

Most searches for "sex"? ---- Muslim countries. Click here

I want to go back to high school.

2006-05-13T16:58:00.000-04:00

High school teacher in trouble after students find her national bikini team photos. Which is sad because she is completely smoking hot.

A high school teacher who posed for revealing photos on a Web site will not face any discipline, a school district official said Thursday.

But the point is that she almost did... which is completely asinine in my opinion. So she is making a few extra bucks for being hot. She's covered the essential area's. I didn't know it was illegal for a teacher to be in a bathing suit. It would be like arresting a basketball player for being tall.

Why didn't anyone think of this sooner? Oh yeah, right.

2006-05-13T15:57:00.000-04:00

Hillary Clinton introduces bill to link congressional pay raises to the minimum wage, so they can't raise one without raising the other. Congressional Republican heads asplode.

Actually, I have nothing smart to say about that. Its a good idea.

....... but..... knowing them they'll work it in somehow so that every 5 cents the American Taxpayer gets, they get something like an extra $10K in pay. Assholes. What were we talking about again?

18 years of silence

2006-04-26T17:49:00.000-04:00

Man released after 18 years in jail when DNA absolves him of rape, sues policeman that put him there. Hooray!

Earl Washington Jr.’s lawsuit over a murder conviction that sent him to death row comes down to one line in a police report: Washington “gave pertinent information about the crime that no one knew with the exception of himself.”

It was written by State Police Special Agent Curtis Reese Wilmore, one of the lead investigators who interrogated Washington in the 1982 rape and murder of Rebecca Lynn Williams. Washington’s lawyers argue that the sentence means Wilmore coached the confession and then perpetrated the story that Washington’s statement was all his own.

18 years.... hope he gets about 10 million per year.
I love how they just release you from prison and go, "Hey, sorry about the mixup. Oh and, uh, sorry we almost killed ya too." (He was sentenced to death but appealed... he once came within 8 days of execution.)

Sprint won't let G.I. in Iraq out of contract

2006-04-26T17:36:00.000-04:00

Federal law allows for soldiers called to active duty to get out of a lease on a house, apartment or car within 30 days. Against the all-mighty telecoms, even Uncle Sam is helpless, though. Our fighting men and women still have to pay their cell phone bills.

Pfc. Dane Gabrielson, a 25-year-old member of the Wisconsin National Guard, shipped out to Iraq a year ago, leaving behind a Sprint cell phone and a $68-a-month bill. Ever since then Dane's mother, Tamara Harris, has been begging Sprint to cancel or suspend his service, but to no avail.

Article here.

My Blood Boils when I read crap like this: pt. 2

2006-04-26T15:00:00.000-04:00

A SYDNEY man has been charged with assault after an alleged intruder was bashed repeatedly with a baseball bat.

Police said the 37-year-old was at his Herakles Street home, at Doonside in Sydney's west, about 8.30pm (AEST) yesterday when a man broke in.

The intruder, aged 38, allegedly used a piece of wood to force his way in by knocking the door off its hinges.
Police said a scuffle broke out before the resident allegedly hit the intruder in the head with the bat and continued to beat him after he had fallen to the ground.

The alleged intruder was airlifted to Westmead Hospital and is in a serious but stable condition.

The resident has been charged with assault occasioning grievous bodily harm and will face Blacktown Local Court today.

I know this didn't take place in America..... but what about the rights of citizens. What about common sense? If that man hadn't hit the intruder with a baseball bat, then the intruder could have overpowered the homeowner and who knows what he would have done next. Maybe killed him.

Asinine scale: 9.5

My Blood Boils when I read crap like this

2006-04-25T15:51:00.000-04:00

Teacher cleared of charges of sexually abusing a students after it turned out the student had made previous baseless charges against teachers.

It would have been a sweeter victory if he hadn't died in prison four years ago.

Timothy Gee was jailed for eight years when he was convicted at Leeds Crown Court in 2001. Always maintaining his innocence, Mr Gee launched two unsuccessful appeals before his death.

He has now been cleared by the Court of Appeal. Too little too late, wouldn't you say?

Mr. Gee's 88-year-old mother Molly has been awarded more than £62,000 costs by the court after battling to clear her son's name. As part of that bid, she contacted the Criminal Cases Review Commission, which asked a leading psychiatrist to report on the girl – now aged 26 – who had accused Mr Gee of rape. While the study cast doubt on the girl's mental state, it emerged that she had also made similar accusations against another man, whose conviction was quashed earlier this year.

Mrs Gee said: "It all boiled down to one girl's word against his, and the jury believed her. That's all it took to send my son to prison and it has left me very angry and grief stricken. I don't think anyone should have to work alone with a child – it's just too easy for an allegation like this to be made."

Mr Gee, from Lindley, Huddersfield, died at age 55 in August 2002, a month after his second appeal failed. Overturning Mr Gee's conviction, Lady Justice Smith said that experts now believed the girl's statements to be "unreliable."

Jee, "unreliable." You think? An innocent man is dead and his accuser gets to roam free. Even Britian's legal system has its head up its ass.

Cops Defend Their Food Source

2006-04-25T15:45:00.000-04:00

Phoenix police shoot to death an armed man who hijacked a Krispy Kreme delivery truck.

You should NEVER take a doughnut from a cop.

Full article here.

Further proof drug companites don't really care about your well being.

2006-04-25T15:42:00.000-04:00

Pharmaceutical companies pay to keep generic verisions of their drugs off the market. This would make me angry, but the Prozac just kicked in.

Brand-name drug makers are striking more deals with generic rivals to restrict the introduction of cheaper generic drugs, antitrust authorities said on Monday.

Emboldened by recent victories in court, pharmaceutical companies are using controversial settlements that entail payments to generic rivals which promise to restrict selling competing generic drugs, a Federal Trade Commission official said in a speech on Monday.

Full article here.

Gas Prices in other nations

2006-04-24T18:11:00.000-04:00

Gasoline prices are going up around the world, but the pain is not being felt everywhere the same way. Drivers in some countries pay a lot more than U.S. consumers. But others pay substantially less. That’s because pump prices don’t reflect just the cost of gasoline.

In most of the industrialized world, including Europe and Japan, pump prices are much higher than in the U.S. – even though the wholesale price is roughly the same. The difference is a heavy tax load those countries impose to discourage consumption.

The Dutch have the dubious distinction of paying the most to fill 'er up, according to the U.S. Deptatment of Energy. (There are various agencies that track gasoline prices, but these are among the most recent figures available.) As of April 10, drivers in the Netherlands were paying the equivalent of about $6.73 a gallon at the pump. The gas itself cost $2.61; the rest — $4.12 — represented tax. That’s a 158 percent tax. By comparison, the U.S. has the lowest tax on gasoline of any industrialized country: about 15 percent at current prices.

Elsewhere in the industrialized world, the actual cost of gasoline ranges from $2.15 a gallon (France) to $2.61 in the Netherlands. But the after-tax price is $5.80 in France and over $6 a gallon in most other major European countries. Japanese drivers get off relatively easy: taxes there only push pump prices to about $4.50 a gallon.

So much for Europe and Japan. In less-developed parts of the world, some countries actually subsidize pump prices to keep them below what the gasoline actually costs to make. China, which recently raised fuel prices, still keeps them well below international market rates. Chinese drivers — and farmers — still pay the equivalent of less than $2 a gallon. As a result, the oil refining industry there is losing billions of dollars. That’s why the Chinese government is expected to continue to try to raise retail prices, while trying to avoid a major consumer backlash.

The cheapest places to top off, not surprisingly, are in countries that produce the most oil. In Iraq, until recently, pump prices were capped at 10 cents a gallon. Prices have recently risen to nearly 40 cents a gallon — still a bargain compared to the U.S. Iran also keeps pump prices low — less than 35 cents a gallon, according to a recent Reuters survey.

But for a real bargain, drive on down to Venezuela, where President Hugo Chavez has made a name for himself lately by delivering heating fuel to low-income American families at bargain prices. In Venezuela, you’ll pay just 12 cents a gallon to fill your tank.

At least he wasn't with an altar boy.

2006-04-24T03:44:00.000-04:00

The prime minister of Chechnya who is a "devout muslim," is married with children and has made a name for himself by criticising the media for broadcasting "immoral programmes" and by urging Chechen women to wear headscarves. In recent months he has outlawed gambling, clamped down on alcohol sales and partially introduced Shariah law. He was also recently reported to have issued an order for women's mobile phones to be monitored to ensure that wives are not in contact with ex-boyfriends.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, he was caught in a sauna with two prostitutes.

How's your retirement package?

2006-04-24T03:26:00.000-04:00

Soaring gas prices are squeezing most Americans at the pump, but at least one man isn't complaining.

Last year, Exxon made the biggest profit of any company ever, $36 billion, and its retiring chairman appears to be reaping the benefits.

Exxon is giving Lee Raymond one of the most generous retirement packages in history, nearly $400 million, including pension, stock options and other perks, such as a $1 million consulting deal, two years of home security, personal security, a car and driver, and use of a corporate jet for professional purposes.

Last November, when he was still chairman of Exxon, Raymond told Congress that gas prices were high because of global supply and demand. "We're all in this together, everywhere in the world," he testified.

And remember, gas hit $4.50 a gallon in NYC yesterday.

Gas friendly car.

2006-04-23T20:28:00.000-04:00

A cool looking car using off the shelf technology get 156 mpg.

Oil companies seen forming strike team.

Click here to look at the car.

New penicillin found in wallaby milk

2006-04-23T16:39:00.000-04:00

Scientists have discovered a bacteria-fighting compound 100 times more effective than penicillin - in wallaby milk.

Researchers found the highly-potent compound, tagged AGG01, was active against a wide variety of fungi and bacteria including antibiotic-resistant superbugs.

Full article here.

Whats the big deal? This happens all the time... in college.

2006-04-22T14:20:00.000-04:00

A man who claims he mistakenly had sex with "the wrong woman" after entering a dark bedroom at the home of a Sydney magazine editor was yesterday committed to stand trial for rape.

Paul John Chappell, 31, was invited back to the editor's apartment after they met during a night out. The pair went to bed and Chappell later got up to use the bathroom.

But Chappell claims he mistakenly returned to the wrong bedroom, where the editor's 23-year-old roommate was asleep. He got into bed with the roommate and initiated sex, allegedly believing she was the other woman. The roommate participated because she thought it was her own boyfriend who had come to bed after falling asleep in the loungeroom. When she turned on the light, the "hysterical" woman saw Chappell in her bed and realised her boyfriend was still asleep on the couch.

Chappell intends to plead not guilty to one count of sexual intercourse without consent.

Can't we all just say what really happened here? Everybody was drunk. He was drunk, she was drunk. Now she's charging him with rape because she was too hammered to realize that the guy she was about to screw wasn't her boyfriend.

Yup, we live in America where personal accountability means nothing.

2006-04-14T20:44:00.000-04:00

Drunk FBI agent who passed out behind the wheel, jumped a curb and had to be pulled from the burning vehicle sues Chrysler and the guy who sold him the truck.

Truth, Justice and the American Way.

An FBI agent who pleaded guilty to drunken driving has sued the maker of his pickup because it caught fire after he passed out behind the wheel.

Robert Clymer, who was involved in a high-profile investigation of the Crazy Horse Too strip club, had a blood-alcohol content of 0.306 percent, nearly four times the current legal limit, and was unconscious when Las Vegas firefighters pulled him from his burning truck on Jan. 29, 2005.

Gives new meaning to the "And make me a sandwich, bitch!" joke.

2006-04-14T20:39:00.000-04:00

In a moment of crystal clear logic and sanity, man beats his girlfriend to death with a microwave for not heating his sandwich.

Walter S. Fordyce, 58, of Uniontown remained jailed without bond Thursday on a charge of criminal homicide. Fordyce told police he began arguing with his live-in girlfriend, Mary McCann, 58, early Thursday.

After throwing her to the floor, Fordyce threw a microwave oven onto McCann's chest after she refused to heat up sandwiches for him, he told police.

Fordyce also said he stomped on McCann's chest repeatedly, then banged her head on the floor until she lost consciousness -- but that he also said he didn't mean to kill her, police said.

"It was an accident. I didn't do it on purpose," police quoted Fordyce as saying.

Fordyce ran to a neighbor's house for help but couldn't find anyone there to call 911, police said.

After returning home and checking McCann for a pulse -- and finding none -- he went downstairs and drank a beer before going to another neighbor's home and asking them to call 911, police said.

Fate of NORAD undetermined.

2006-04-14T20:31:00.000-04:00

NORAD, that nifty cold war operations center buried inder thousands of feet of granite in Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado, could be decommissioned in the near future.

You just know Wal-Mart has their eye on that place.

Full article here.

Better skip the plans to install that satellite dish too.

2006-04-14T20:08:00.000-04:00

A woman in Boulder, CO was out of jail Thursday, after being locked up over the weekend for installing a new garage door.

Megan Forbes was arrested and taken to jail on Sunday for failing to show up on a court summons she received for replacing her original garage door with a new one.

The problem was that Forbes' home is in the historic Mapleton Hill area and replacing the original garage door on her 106-year-old home required a Landmark Alteration Certificate from the city -- something she didn't obtain.

Forbes was getting ready for church Sunday when a Boulder police officer knocked on her door, arrested her, and took her to jail.

Proving once again that Boulder, CO is about 50 miles outside of the rest of reality.

Thou shall not have any other Gods besides me

2006-04-14T19:28:00.000-04:00

State Board of Education member Connie Morris took exception Wednesday to a picture of a made-up creature that satirizes the state's new science standards hanging on a Stucky Middle School teacher's door.

Morris requested (i.e. made a huge scene) that the picture be removed.

The creature, called the Flying Spaghetti Monster, is the creation of Bobby Henderson of Corvallis, Ore. Henderson created the entity and an accompanying mythology on the origin of mankind to make fun of Kansas' recent debate over the teaching of criticisms of evolution, including intelligent design.

Morris, who voted for the new science standards, saw the picture during a tour of the school and demanded that it be removed.

And the Flying Spaghetti Monster will strike down upon thee with great vengence and furious anger those who attempt to poison my brothers. And you will know his name is the lord, when he lays his vengence down upon thee.

Boy sets self on fire stealing gas.

2006-04-14T19:01:00.000-04:00

Dumb: Soaking your pants with gas while siphoning someone's tank.
Dumbass: Flicking a lighter to see how much gas got on your pants.
Irony: You're stealing the gas from a firefighter's car.

Article here.

Money Shot

2006-04-12T17:33:00.000-04:00

You can no longer legally ejaculate on somebody's face without their consent in Connecticut.

Full article here. Go ahead, I know you're too curious not to click on it.

Laundromat thief took cameras, forgot videotape

2006-04-12T02:16:00.000-04:00

In an Elko, NV laundromat a burglar attempts clean escape by taking six surveillance cameras with him, apparently unclear on the concept that those cameras were connected to something called a VCR.

Turns out he left some rather compelling evidence behind - the VCR and videotape that recorded his face each time he stood in front of the cameras.

DEA Agent Who Shot Self In Foot Sues U.S.

2006-04-11T17:19:00.000-04:00

A Drug Enforcement Administration agent who stars in a popular online video that shows him shooting himself in the foot during a weapons demonstration for Florida children is suing over the tape's release, claiming that his career has been crippled and he's become a laughingstock due to the embarrassing clip's distribution.

Lee Paige, 45, blames the video's release on DEA officials in an April 7 federal lawsuit filed against the U.S. government.

According to the lawsuit, Paige was making a "drug education presentation" in April 2004 to a Florida youth group when his firearm (a Glock .40) accidentally discharged. The shooting occurred moments after Paige told the children that he was the only person in the room professional enough to carry the weapon. The accident was filmed by an audience member, and the tape, Paige claims, was turned over to the DEA. The drug agency subsequently "improperly, illegally, willfully and/or intentionally" allowed the tape to be disseminated. As a result, Paige--pictured above in a still from the video--has been the "target of jokes, derision, ridicule, and disparaging comments" directed at him in restaurants, grocery stores, and airports. Paige, who writes that he was "once regarded as one of the best undercover agents, if not the best, in the DEA," points to the clip's recent airing on popular television shows and via the Internet as the reason he can no longer work undercover. He also notes that he is no longer "permitted or able to give educational motivational speeches and presentations."

Online Dating Sorority Sex Scandal

2006-04-11T16:58:00.000-04:00

This morning, Tampa Police raided the Sigma Delta Pi sorority house at Westborn College. Twenty three women age 19-24 were arrested on charges that included pandering, hazing violations, racketeering, and recording sexual acts without the permission of the participants.

As part of the initiation into the sorority, each of the 36 pledges were “required to have sex or oral sex on a first date with 7 partners in a two week period” according to district attorney Michael Watts. “These partners had to be men they did not know chosen from a popular online dating service."

It is suspected that all 36 of the pledges who are now Sigma Omicron Pi sisters went on sex-dates with a total of more than 250 different men. Two of the dates are reported to have been with high school seniors from nearby Shelby High School.

At the scene, police seized computers that had more than 20 hours of digital videos recordings of the pledges engaged in sexual intercourse in the sorority house. The videos were apparently recorded without the knowledge of the male partners via a web cam mounted on a computer monitor. The records of the online dating service have also been subpoenaed.

In other news: Transfer applications to Westborn College up 765 percent this year.

Advil in schools? These kids are out of control!

2006-04-11T16:40:00.000-04:00

Today's "high school student suspended for taking ibuprofen" story brought to you by Rochester, NY.

Last week, a student at Greece Arcadia High School got an Advil, an over-the-counter pain medication, from his girlfriend during school; both were suspended.

Full article here.

Best & Worst Cities

2006-04-11T01:15:00.000-04:00

Congratulations to Baghdad on being rated the worst place to live for the third year in a row. Better luck next year, Detroit.

Zurich is the city with the highest quality of life in 2006, while Baghdad, for the third year running, has the lowest, a survey published Monday shows.

Geneva and Vancouver made the top three in the list compiled by human resource company Mercer while Bangui in the Central African Republic and Brazzaville, the capital of Congo Republic, joined Baghdad in the bottom three.

Damn Young Whippersnappers

2006-04-07T16:02:00.000-04:00

Young people embrace an activity. Adults condemn it. The kids grow up, no better or worse than their elders, and the moral panic subsides. Then the whole cycle starts over. Here's how the establishment has greeted past scourges.

Novels
"The free access which many young people have to romances, novels, and plays has poisoned the mind and corrupted the morals of many a promising youth; and prevented others from improving their minds in useful knowledge. Parents take care to feed their children with wholesome diet; and yet how unconcerned about the provision for the mind, whether they are furnished with salutary food, or with trash, chaff, or poison?"
---Reverend Enos Hitchcock, Memoirs of the Bloomsgrove Family, 1790

The Waltz
"The indecent foreign dance called the Waltz was introduced ... at the English Court on Friday last ... It is quite sufficient to cast one's eyes on the voluptuous intertwining of the limbs, and close compressure of the bodies ... to see that it is far indeed removed from the modest reserve which has hitherto been considered distinctive of English females. So long as this obscene display was confined to prostitutes and adulteresses, we did not think it deserving of notice; but now that it is ... forced on the respectable classes of society by the evil example of their superiors, we feel it a duty to warn every parent against exposing his daughter to so fatal a contagion."
-- The Times of London, 1816

Movies
"This new form of entertainment has gone far to blast maidenhood ... Depraved adults with candies and pennies beguile children with the inevitable result. The Society has prosecuted many for leading girls astray through these picture shows, but GOD alone knows how many are leading dissolute lives begun at the 'moving pictures.'"
- The Annual Report of the New York Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, 1909

The Telephone
"Does the telephone make men more active or more lazy? Does it break up home life and the old practice of visiting friends?"
-- Survey conducted by the Knights of Columbus Adult Education Committee, San Francisco Bay Area, 1926

Comic Books
"Many adults think that the crimes described in comic books are so far removed from the child's life that for children they are merely something imaginative or fantastic. But we have found this to be a great error. Comic books and life are connected. A bank robbery is easily translated into the rifling of a candy store. Delinquencies formerly restricted to adults are increasingly committed by young people and children ... All child drug addicts, and all children drawn into the narcotics traffic as messengers, with whom we have had contact, were inveterate comic-book readers. This kind of thing is not good mental nourishment for children!"
-- Fredric Wertham, Seduction of the Innocent, 1954

Rock and Roll
"The effect of rock and roll on young people, is to turn them into devil worshippers; to stimulate self-expression through sex; to provoke lawlessness; impair nervous stability and destroy the sanctity of marriage. It is an evil influence on the youth of our country."
-- Minister Albert Carter, 1956

Videogames
"The disturbing material in Grand Theft Auto and other games like it is stealing the innocence of our children and it's making the difficult job of being a parent even harder ... I believe that the ability of our children to access pornographic and outrageously violent material on video games rated for adults is spiraling out of control."
-- US senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, 2005

Doctor's Orders

2006-04-07T15:51:00.000-04:00

Apparently, the best way for women to beat breast cancer is to wear a bikini when they're younger. Spiffy.

Women with high exposure to the sun as teenagers may be protected against breast cancer in later life, doctors have found. Boosting levels of vitamin D could be beneficial at a time when breast cells are developing. New evidence of the ability of the "sunshine vitamin" to reduce the risk of cancer comes from two studies presented in the US.

They found women with the highest levels of the vitamin produced by the body when exposed to sunlight were up to 50 per cent less likely to develop breast cancer.

This follows a study in the American Journal of Public Health last year which found a large dose of vitamin D every day could halve the risk of some cancers. Experts say vitamin D deficiency causes thousands of cancer deaths every year.

Hell, why not go topless all year round? Full article here.

Drug industry spends millions to keep prices higher; you lose

2006-04-07T14:57:00.000-04:00

The pharmaceutical industry spent $44 million lobbying U.S. state officials during a two-year period with much of the money going to fight proposals that would have reduced prescription drug costs, according to report released on Thursday.

The Center for Public Integrity said industry representatives spent the money in 2003 and 2004, a time when more than half of all states were considering proposals to reduce the cost of medicines. Prescription medicines are one of the fastest-growing expenses for state governments, which are among the pharmaceutical industry's biggest customers, the report said.

The investigative research center analyzed lobbyist disclosure documents and records from the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America (PhRMA) as well as conducted interviews with current and former state representatives.

Full article here.

Eva Longoria is HUGE

2006-04-07T14:39:00.000-04:00

To celebrate their 100th issue, Maxim has put a 75-by-110-foot vinyl mesh replica of its January 2005 cover image of Eva Longoria in the desert outside Las Vegas. If you have Google Earth installed you can actually zoom in and see the image here.

It's a pretty cool idea, especially considering any space aliens that plan to attack us will be momentarily distracted by her hotness, giving us the necessary time to discover their weakness and defeat them. Nice try, invading space aliens. Maybe next year.

Dog escapes Shawshank

2006-04-06T21:23:00.000-04:00

Dog escapes kennel by chewing through latch and scaling seven-foot-high concrete wall topped with barbed wire. Left cryptic note about settling in Zihuatanejo, a warm place with no memory. Open a little hotel right on the beach. Buy some worthless old boat and fix it up like new.

Nobody would be stupid enough.... Would they?

2006-04-05T14:22:00.000-04:00

Sixteen-year-old accompanies her 22-year-old boyfriend to his probation hearing -- while carrying pot and cocaine.

Security guards stopped the girl Monday when a metal detector went off as she walked through it at the Porter County Courthouse (Indiana). When a guard checked the girl’s coat, she found a plastic bag filled with what appeared to be marijuana and cocaine, police said.

She claimed she was holding it for her boyfriend.

Ahhh, love.

Today's Date

2006-04-05T01:02:00.000-04:00

This post was posted at 1:02 AM and three seconds on April 5th, 2006.

That makes it 01:02.03 04-05-06

And yesterday was my birthday. Too all of those who wished me a happy birthday, thank you. For those of you who didn't.... you've been added to my "list."

WoW Funeral Ambush

2006-04-05T00:31:00.000-04:00

World of Warcraft or otherwise known as simply, WoW is one of the most popular and successful computer games in history. It is a Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game that 6 million people pay $10 -15 per month to play. This type of popularity creates a sample size that is large enough to reflect the forces that control it. In Layman's terms, with this many people playing this online game at any given time human nature tends to get a stronger representation.

Apparently, some dude dies in real life who was a popular World of Warcraft player. So his WoW friends log into his account and take this character to a serene lake to allow players to pay their respects. ---> Opposing guild promptly shows up at the virtual funeral and slaughters everyone in attendance who were there to show their respects.

They filmed the whole thing and put it on the net for everyone to see. Click here to view the video.

Patient's survival bad for business

2006-04-05T00:07:00.000-04:00

Company, which "invested" in life-insurance policies for HIV-infected people in the 90s who unexpectedly survived, is now whining about having to pay their health-care premiums.

When M. Smith learned she had AIDS in the early 1990's, she figured it was a death sentence. "It was mind numbing," Smith says.

She was 35, healthy, and never suspected that an ex-boyfriend, who died years earlier of AIDS related complications, had infected her.

Smith, who also had cancer at the time, says her prognosis gave her less than two years to live. So, she started to get her affairs in order.

One day, flipping through a magazine for HIV positive people, Smith, who asked we shield her identity, saw an ad offering to buy her $150,000 life insurance policy. Smith had no children and no husband.

According to the contract she signed, the company, Life Partners, would pay her $90,000 up front, and cover her combined life and health insurance premiums if she lived longer than two years. When she died, the company would collect the full value of the policy, potentially a windfall profit of more than 60 percent, depending on when Smith died.

That was 12 years ago. Smith is still alive, and the company has paid out $100,000 in premiums, according to Smith's attorneys. But Smith and her lawyers also claim that over the years, Life Partners has been trying to get out of its contract, claiming Smith should pay her own health premiums and at one point sending a letter saying, "The investors ... are no longer willing to support the cost of your health insurance."

While there is no cure for AIDS, the new medications are extremely effective at staving off disease. Ronda Goldfein of the AIDS Law Project in Pennsylvania said companies like Life Partners never considered the possibility AIDS might not be a sure bet.

"In the early '90's people were dying. They'd get diagnosed, there wasn't any good treatment and they would die. And all of a sudden in the midst of all that ... there's this revolution in AIDS care and people are living longer."

WalMart issues statement nobody believes.

2006-04-04T23:52:00.000-04:00

Wal-Mart announces it will open stores in blighted neighborhoods where it will help struggling mom-and-pop businesses thrive -- you know, like it always does.

Full article here.

The company faces fierce opposition from labor groups, environmentalists and others who contend that it devours green space, drives competitors out of business and pays poverty-level wages.

Bad Driving Decision

2006-04-04T23:28:00.000-04:00

Front End Loader: 1
Ford Focus: 0

Eyewitness told the Florida Highway Patrol that traffic was reduced to one lane northbound Monday afternoon to allow work vehicles to pass. But the driver of a Ford Focus still tried to make his way through the site, only to slam into the back of a front end loader.

Boy turns in knife but may still be expelled

2006-04-03T15:26:00.000-04:00

Eighth-grader might get expelled after mistakenly bringing his pocket knife to school and immediately turning it in.

Parents say they are stunned that a Warren Township (Indiana) Schools principal suspended their son and recommended his expulsion for possession of a pocketknife even though he turned the knife in to the office as soon as he arrived at school. After turning in the knife, the eighth-grader was suspended from Stonybrook Middle School for 10 days and may be expelled.

Elliot, 14, said he was walking to the school entrance in the brisk weather March 3 and had placed his hands in his coat pocket when he felt the Swiss army pocketknife in the pocket.

"I went straight to the office right inside (the front door)," he said.
He said he handed the knife to Teri Donahue, the school's treasurer, and told her he had brought it to school by mistake.

As a result of Elliot's actions, the school's principal, Jimmy Meadows, suspended Elliot for the maximum 10 school days as allowed by law and recommended Elliot be expelled. A confidential expulsion hearing is scheduled for April 10.

I give it a 9 on the "Asinine scale."

Kid suspended for Not doing drugs

2006-04-03T13:27:00.000-04:00

The Suspension of a 12-year-old boy whose mother refused to give him Ritalin has sparked a class-action suit by parents who say schools are bullying them into giving their children drugs.

The case of a 12-year-old Longueuil boy suspended from school when his mother refused to give him Ritalin has sparked concerns over who is in charge of the medicine cabinet.

Do parents have the right to say "no" when their child's school says they need prescription drugs?

What are you f**king kidding me? Of course they do.

Full article here.

And on a side note, did you ever notice that its overwhelmingly subscribed to boys? Its like they're saying that there is something wrong with the male mind. Hmmm, we seemed to do fine up until about 10 years ago before this Ritalin fad kicked in. Now if a young boy stands up in class without asking, he's diagnosed with ADHD.

Wrong Site Surgery

2006-04-02T12:55:00.000-04:00

The California Department of Health Services found that on January 13, the Children's Hospital of Orange County surgeons opened the wrong side of a child’s skull during an operation to remove a brain tumor. The agency’s report noted that the doctors involved failed to observe the “time out” before the surgery and failed to mark the operation site on the child’s head.

The error was discovered when no tumor was found under the portion of skull initially removed. At that point, the doctors replaced the section of skull removed by mistake and proceeded to the correct operative site where the tumor was located and removed.

The Department of Health Services also found that the doctors failed to document the wrong-site surgery in the child’s hospital chart. The hospital did, however, notify the state thereby prompting the investigation.

I can imagine the doctors explaining it now: Surgeon helpfully explains to the child's mother how wrong side of his skull was removed because the operating table was spun around.

Other surgical errors:
The removal of the wrong (healthy) kidney of a 63-year-old cancer patient in the UK less than two weeks ago. The man, John Heron, gave an exclusive interview to sundaymail.co.uk that reveals the type of “comedy of errors” that often produces the occurrence of what is known as “wrong-site surgery.”

In the interview, Mr. Heron stated that before the surgery he clearly told doctors that the pain he was experiencing was on his left side. His right side had already been marked, however, and he was told not to worry.

At the time, his doctors had not reviewed X-rays that clearly showed the cancerous tumor was on Heron’s left kidney.

Following the surgery, Heron was even told that he was “a lucky man.” The next day, however, he was told the terrible news after the pathology lab found the kidney that had been removed to be completely healthy.

----------------------------------------------------
52-year-old Marjorie Patterson had a routine mammogram which supposedly showed a suspicious shadow. After an MRI and biopsy, she was told by telephone that she had an aggressive type of breast cancer.

When doctors advised her that a mastectomy was needed to save her life, she agreed, and the surgery was performed. Three weeks later, doctors admitted the biopsy they had examined belonged to another patient and that Mrs. Patterson never had cancer.
----------------------------------------------------
In September, the New York State Health Department announced it was launching an investigation into what happened at Phelps Memorial Hospital Center in Sleepy Hollow, New York, where surgeons removed a man’s perfectly healthy kidney instead of his cancerous one.
----------------------------------------------------
Another similar error occurred in the UK in January 2000 when two surgeons removed a man’s healthy kidney instead of his diseased one. One of the doctors told a disciplinary panel that he had collected X-rays but had read them the “wrong way round.” He realized something had gone wrong when, two hours after the surgery, the anesthetist told him that the man had not produced any urine. Five weeks after the botched surgery the 69-year-old man died.
----------------------------------------------------
In 1995, at Tampa’s University Community Hospital, where a surgeon amputated the wrong leg of 51- year-old Willie King.
----------------------------------------------------
The 59-year-old mother of a prominent Indian film star was brought to Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York to have a malignant brain tumor removed. The neurosurgeon operated on the wrong side of her brain. The woman now suffers from severely impaired vision and no awareness of her left side. (Washington Post, 7/25/95).
----------------------------------------------------
A surgeon at Butterworth Hospital in Grand Rapids, Michigan, cut off the wrong breast of a 69-year-old cancer patient during a mastectomy. (USA Today, 3/27/95).
----------------------------------------------------
A surgeon in Boston removed the wrong kidney from a patient after failing to check x- rays that would have revealed this tragic error. (Boston Globe, 6/1/96).
----------------------------------------------------
In a particularly tragic case, Jesica Santillan, a 17 year-old girl from Mexico who was smuggled into the United States to receive treatment for a life-threatening heart condition, waited three years for a donor heart and lungs to be found.

When the heart and lung transplant, which was supposed to save her life, was finally performed, her condition only worsened. It was then discovered that the heart and lungs she received did not match her blood type.
----------------------------------------------------
A 67-year-old man named Hurshell Ralls went into surgery for bladder cancer and, while under anesthesia, the surgeon removed his penis and testicles because he concluded that the cancer had spread to the penis.

No one had ever discussed the possibility of such radical additional surgery with Mr. Ralls who was shocked to learn what had happened to him at a time when he was unable to make a conscious decision about the removal of his penis and testicles. Later, after examining a tissue sample, another doctor concluded that Ralls never had cancer of the penis.
----------------------------------------------------
In May of 2002, Linda McDougal was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent a double mastectomy at the United Hospital of St. Paul Minnesota. After the surgery, McDougal was told that she had never had cancer. Apparently, her slides had been mixed up with those of another patient.
----------------------------------------------------

From 1985 to 1995, the Physicians Insurers Association of America (PIAA) counted 225 claims for wrong-site surgery by its 110,000 doctors in the United States.

American Flag banned at Colorado School

2006-04-01T16:54:00.000-05:00

Dozens of high school students protested a temporary school policy forbidding students from displaying the U.S. flag amid racial tensions following immigration rallies.

Students were warned about the policy Friday and several were suspended, although the principal would not provide details.

First they tell kids they need to have more pride in their country. Then they suspend them for having American flag stickers on their cars.

Last time I checked, we do live in America and that flag represents the rights of its citizens. Like, oh I don't know..... how about the rights of THE FIRST AMENDMENT.

Drunk teen sues restaurant for letting her drink.

2006-04-01T12:22:00.000-05:00

An underager who got drunk and hurt herself is using this experience to reflect on the consequences of underage drinking. Just kidding.... we live in America. She's suing.

A teenager who sneaked into a charity bartender contest to drink is suing the restaurant for causing facial injuries she suffered in a drunken fall in the parking lot.

Tyler C. Bauer, 18, of New Market, is seeking $200,000 in damages from TGI Friday's, according to the lawsuit filed March 22 in Frederick County Circuit Court.

Full article here.

She got an A+

2006-03-31T15:20:00.000-05:00

UNLV's Women Studies Department offering a series of workshops including "Sex Toys 101" and "Stripping for Everyone." Now that's a proper use of public funds.

Full article here.

Yes, I own a Marlboro t-shirt

2006-03-31T15:06:00.000-05:00

Researchers stunned to find kids who wear alcohol logos start drinking sooner. Also shocked to learn kids do drugs, have sex, breathe air.

Article here.

Listen, I didn't start smoking because I saw a billboard of Joe Camel. Everything in this world leads to one thing: sex. I started smoking because the hot girl I worked with asked me to come outside with her for a smoke break.

Which leads to our next topic: alcohol. People don't drink because its refreshing. Young people drink because where there is alcohol, there are people looking to meet people. And people, isn't that what its all about? People meeting people to hopefully have sex?

What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Once again, you're not privileged

2006-03-31T14:30:00.000-05:00

Here's a little history to consider.

Congress enacted the Securities Act of 1933, which required registration of publicly traded companies -- making more information open and available to the public. A year later, Congress added more protections for investors. One of those provisions made it illegal to trade stock by corporate insiders who were privy to special information that could help or hurt a stock.

Unfortunately, Congress forgot itself. It remains perfectly legal for a member of Congress to buy and sell stocks based on information that's not available to the public. Last year it was reported that a "political intelligence" firm tipped off its clients to an undelivered speech by Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist on asbestos liability. The information was profitable to those in the know.

"This is simply wrong that members of Congress can exchange information ... and get rich on it," says Rep. Brian Baird, D-Wash., who is co-sponsor of a bill to prohibit insider trading by members of Congress and their staffs.

$150 a week

2006-03-30T14:41:00.000-05:00

Here's an item you might have left out of your personal budget: The average cost of driving a car is now $7,834 a year. AAA released its annual survey Tuesday about the average costs of owning passenger cars that are driven 15,000 miles a year.

Full article here.

The average driving cost -- a mix of expenses for small, medium and large passenger cars -- works out to $150 a week. And that's not just because the price of gasoline is hovering around $2.50 in the nation. The AAA survey factors in gasoline at 9.5 cents a mile based on a $2.40 a gallon average price nationwide at the end of 2005. Then, it adds other out-of-pocket costs like tires, insurance, maintenance, licenses and financing. (The biggest cost, however, is one many drivers don't actually see: depreciation, or how much less your car is worth every year.)

Maintenance runs $735, tires are $105 and insurance averages $926 a year. The AAA survey pegs license fees, taxes and registration at $535, finance charges at $716 and depreciation at $3,392. Gasoline added $1,425 to the total.

He didn't ask her if she can touch her elbows behind her back.

2006-03-28T13:03:00.000-05:00

Woman who had breast enlargement surgery to transform her B-cup to a DD-cup is taking her boss to court for looking at her breasts too often.

Sabrina Pace, 26, who works at a Cardiff car-hire firm, said that after she returned to work following her breast operation, her manager, David Ford, began to pay her unwanted attention. --- Unless she was at a bar and looking to get a free drink from some guy she has no interest in anyway.

I'm just a Bill.... sitting on Capitol Hill

2006-03-28T12:42:00.000-05:00

For anyone who took fifth-grade social studies or sang “I’m Just a Bill,” how legislation turns to law always seemed pretty simple: The House passes a bill, the Senate passes the same bill, the president signs it.

But last month, Washington threw all that old-fashioned civics stuff into a tizzy, when President Bush signed into law a bill that never passed the House. The bill – in this case, a major budget-cutting measure that will affect millions of Americans – became a law because it was “certified” by the leaders of the House and Senate.

After stewing for weeks, Public Citizen, a legislative watchdog group, sued Tuesday to block the budget-cutting law, charging that Bush and Republican leaders of Congress flagrantly violated the Constitution when the president signed it into law knowing that the version that cleared the House was substantively different from the Senate’s version.

The issue is bizarre, with even constitutional scholars saying they could not think of any precedent for the journey the budget bill took to becoming a law. Opponents point to elementary school civics lessons to make their case, while Republicans are evoking an obscure Supreme Court ruling from the 1890s to suggest a bill does not have to pass both chambers of Congress to become law.

Congressional leaders and administration officials point to an 1892 Supreme Court decision, Field v. Clark, to argue that as long as the Speaker of the House and the leader of the Senate certify a bill passed, it is passed. (In that case, a bill signed by President Benjamin Harrison and authenticated by the leaders of the House and Senate was different from the version printed in the official journals of Congress, known now as the Congressional Record.)

National Debt Clock

2006-03-28T12:02:00.000-05:00

The national debt clock, as it is known, is shown to the right. A spot-check last week showed a readout of 8.3 trillion -- or more precisely 8,310,200,545,702 -- dollars ... and counting.

But it's not big enough.

Sometime in the next two years, the total amount of US government borrowing is going to break through the 10-trillion-dollar mark and the clock doesn't have enough space for the added digit.

The original 11 foot by 26 foot clock was eventually erected a block from Manhattan's Times Square in 1989 when the national debt stood at 2.7 trillion. Its creator was Seymour Durst.

For the next decade it tracked, odometer style, the government's red ink with an extra feature which, by dividing the main figure by the number of families in the country, offered an estimate for how much each family owed as their share.

Toward the close of the millennium, with a booming economy fuelling annual budget surpluses, the clock began to slow and finally ran into its first mechanical problem. "It wasn't designed to run backwards," Douglas Durst (son of Seymour Durst) explained.

Believing that the signboard had served its purpose, the Dursts pulled the plug in 2000 with the debt total showing around 5.7 trillion dollars and the individual "family share" standing at close to 74,000 dollars. The clock was covered with a red, white and blue curtain, but not dismantled. "We'll have it ready in case things start turning around, which I'm sure they will," Durst said at the time.

He only had to wait two years as the Bush presidency coincided with an upsurge in borrowing. The curtain was raised in 2002 and the digital readout flickered back to life showing a national debt of 6.1 trillion dollars with the numbers whizzing round faster than ever.

Last week, the "family share" readout on the clock stood some loose change short of 90,000 dollars.

How to survive the Zombie apocolypse

2006-03-27T16:21:00.000-05:00

Because, guess what folks? It’s GOING to happen. It’s just a matter of time.

“Steve, how do I be proactive in the event of the zombie invasion?”, you might have asked yourself one day. Well, worry not my friends! Follow these instructions and you can make sure to survive just long enough until the zombies run out of food. Then it will be your job to re-populate the earth, never forgetting the valuable lesson of zombidom.

Step One – Survive the initial panic!
“The zombies are here! Holy Shit, run!” might be your first response when you hear that the zombipocolypse has occurred. Remember, though: DON’T PANIC. It’s important to have the following emergency kit with you at all times. In your car, in your house, and at work. Don’t let other people know about it, though… Once the Zombie apocalypse hits, they’ll try to take it from you.
1) 12 gauge shotgun with at least 25 rounds – Remember to aim for the head… zombies can’t stand that
2) Chainmail head and neck guard - Everyone knows Zombies go for the neck
3) One gallon jug of Gatorade – At the Gatorade institute, they came to the conclusion that people lose tons of valuable electrolytes when fighting their way through hordes of zombies. Don’t let dehydration beat you, stay in the fight!
4) An Axe – Because you’re bound to run out of ammo at the exact wrong moment.
5) A gallon jug of gasoline – Important for step four!
6) A lighter and a pack of smokes – No one wants a nic-fit in the middle of a city infested with zombies. Make sure not to mix with number five… Flaming zombies may sound cool, but they won’t be when they’re grabbing at your clothing.
7) Kevlar undergarments –Keeps away nasty zombie bites. No one likes those.
8) Sunglasses – Because blasting zombies with a 12-gauge, pump action shotgun looks cool… But doing it sunglasses looks bad ass.

Step Two – Form a band of survivors
Now that the zombies have hit, you’ll have to form a band of survivors. This won’t include your best friend, unfortunately, as you’ve probably had to blast him in a heart-wretching moment when he started to turn to a zombie. If only he had listened and had his own kit…Instead of panicing and getting bitten like the rest of the worlds unprepared douches. Oh well, keep reading. Be sure to include an equal mix of males and females in your party, including lovable stereotypes and one off-balanced ultra-badass… Since you have the kit, you’ll be the natural choice for leader, which means that you get the girl in the end. Hurray for repopulating the earth, eh!? Make sure to keep your band of survivors to around ten, or it’ll be too cumbersome to try and evacuate with all of them. Also, keep a close eye on the off-balance, ultra-badass guy. Chances are, he’s probably been bitten by now and is just hiding it from you. Keep him around for now though, because he’ll help kill zombies until step four. Chances are you’ve run out of ammo at this point, and have moved on to axing beeyotches… Keep the shotgun, though, as we’ve included a step to restocking your ammo.

Step Three – Avoid black people in your band of survivors
I know what I said earlier about mixing an equal amount of females and minorities in your band o’ normies, but let us be honest with ourselves. We’ve all seen horror flicks, and the black people are doomed from the start. Don’t give them false hope, just mumble something like, “Sorry guys, the band of survivors is full, we’ll come back for you later.” And walk briskly away. It doesn’t make you racist if you’re just following the manual.

Step Four – Get out of the city
Remember that gallon of gasoline? Now’s the time to use it! Your first instinct may be to jump in the most expensive car you see and go tearing through the city, playing zombie bowling. IGNORE THIS INSTINCT. You’re bound to get in an accident and be at the mercy of a local zombie horde. Instead, you want to go for a mini-van. This is so you can fit the rest of your survivors in there, as well as more zombie-flatting power once you start moving. Avoid the windows, as zombies have been known to punch through glass, and make sure to kick out anyone who’s been bitten in your band by this point. I know the ultra-badass guy might be intimidating, but if you’re wearing your sunglasses at this point, it’ll be alright… Just hit him with the axe when he’s not paying attention, or better yet, drive away while he’s still battling the zombies. When everyone bitches and moans about it, look at them and say, “He was already gone. I did him a favor”. Suddenly, and without warning, you will have become the new badass. Take a moment to let this sink in before moving to the next step.

Step Five – Find the nearest Mom and Pop grocery store
Mom and Pop stores are very rural, so chances are you’ll only meet a few zombies in the area. Hit them with your axe, and help yourself to Mom and Pops groceries. Make sure you restock your Gatorade and shotgun shell supplies, because you’re not safe yet. You’ll probably also find a scared child hiding in the wreckage of the small town… Take them in only after a full body search for bites and scratches (If any bites exist, use the axe liberally on their forehead. Remember, you’re the badass now). You may be tempted to get some of Mom and Pops liquor…. This is a good idea. Grab me some, too?

Step Six – Find a farm. Wait it out.
If there’s a family already hiding in your farmhouse, bring them gifts of liquor and Gatorade… Chances are, they need a drink by now! Give a second go-through your band of survivors, making sure that no one has been bitten or scratched (If you’re bitten or scratch, don’t tell anyone…. They’ll axe you), and enjoy a rural, safe life in the middle of nowhere. It will probably take about a year or so for the zombie invasion to run its course through the entire globe, and for all those zombies to die of starvation (Lucky for us, they don’t know where you are), so make sure you plant some crops in the fields. You can also go ahead of reep your rewards with the girl, as you’ve successfully saved her from certain doom, and she’s probably sweating you pretty hard right about now.

So now you know how to survive the impending zombie apocalypse. Remember these six easy steps, and you too can be repopulating the earth in no time.

Just stay away from my kit, or you’ll get a shotgun blast to the face.

Ever hit your thumb with a hammer? This is a lot worse.

2006-03-27T12:06:00.000-05:00

14-year-old girl abducted for sex. Finds hammer under car seat. Vigorously introduces man's groin to the word NO.

A 14-year-old girl told Toledo (Ohio) police she was abducted Tuesday by a man with a gun but got away with help from a hammer. According to police, the man forced the girl into his car while she was walking to her school bus stop and said he wanted sex. So, she told him she had dropped her ring in the car and went searching for it. That's when she felt the hammer under her seat.

She was not hurt and ran to her grandmother's house. The suspect is still being sought.

$250 Billion

2006-03-23T05:54:00.000-05:00

$250 Billion. That's what the war in Iraq has cost the American taxpayer thus far.

Break that down into each individual taxpayer. Thats $2,083 dollars per taxpayer. But the government hasn't raised taxes for you and me to help pay for this war. Instead they have borrwed from high interest banks in foreign countries.

So don't think of it as $2,083 out of your pocket.... think of it as around $200,000 out of your grandchildren's pockets. Because, really, screw them..... who cares about them anyway?

Note: Back in April 2003 the government claimed that we wouldn't spend more than 1.7 billion on this war and reconstruction of Iraq.

Don't Support Our Troops

2006-03-09T10:55:00.000-05:00

Homeowners Association to woman: It's a $100 a day fine to post a 'support our troops' sign in your yard.

Wife of Army private in Iraq to Homeowners Association: Suck it

Before David Kelley went to Iraq, he bought his wife a "Support Our Troops" sign to display outside the couple's home.

But officials of Westchase (near Tampa, FL) view the sign differently. They say the 2-foot-high sign violates community rules. Stacey Kelley, 24, received a letter from the homeowners association last month stating she could be fined $100 a day if she does not remove the sign.

What are they fighting for? Asinine scale: I give this one a full 10.

Full article here.

Record Set for Hottest Temperature on Earth: 3.6 Billion Degrees F

2006-03-09T10:11:00.000-05:00

Scientists have produced superheated gas exceeding temperatures of 2 billion degrees Kelvin, or 3.6 billion degrees Fahrenheit.

This is hotter than the interior of our Sun, which is about 15 million degrees Kelvin, and also hotter than any previous temperature ever achieved on Earth, they say.

And the best part.... they don't know how they did it.

The feat was accomplished in the Z machine at Sandia National Laboratories.

Full article here.

The achievement was detailed in the Feb. 24 issue of the journal Physical Review Letters.

College Board Says 4,000 SAT Scores Wrong

2006-03-08T14:51:00.000-05:00

We're sorry we misgraded your SAT scores and screwed you out of your college of choice. On the bright side, we're going to refund the $25 fee you paid to take the test!

About 4,000 students who took the main SAT college entrance exam last October received incorrectly low scores because of problems with the scanning of their answer sheets.

The College Board, which owns the exam, notified college admissions offices of the mistake and provided the proper scores for affected students in a letter received by some Tuesday afternoon. A College Board spokeswoman, Jennifer Topiel, said students would be notified by e-mail Thursday. Affected students will be refunded their fees from that sitting, the letter said.

Admissions officials said this mistake is forcing schools to scramble to re-evaluate candidates at a time when many are trying to make final decisions. "For some this means a scholarship adjustment, for some it means admission to a more selective program within the school," said Jacquelyn Nealon, dean of admissions and financial aid at New York Institute of Technology, where she said between 25 and 50 applicants were affected. "We'll pull all those folders tomorrow and reach out to any students," she said. "For a school that processes tens of thousands of applications, this is major."

Senate to Take First St. Patrick’s Recess

2006-03-08T07:49:00.000-05:00

Congress set to take first St. Patrick's Day recess, otherwise known as the Ted Kennedy Rule.

Embattled incumbents in need of more campaign and fundraising time before the mid-term elections have come up with inventive ways of getting it. One of the more unique ideas? A St. Patrick's Day break, which lawmakers are already bending their schedules around.

Rep. Jo Bonner (R-Ala.) noted many Members had raised concerns over the fact that Congress often remains in session for up to 10 weeks during the early spring. ".....or the last three years, depending on when Easter is, you can have an eight-, nine-, even 10-week run there,” Bonner said, later adding: “That affects mental well-being."

As opposed to the rest of Americans who work year round.

Super Troopers in real life

2006-03-07T17:16:00.000-05:00

Illinois cops enjoy drinking and partying. In uniform. On duty. With underage girls. On camera.

Residents say rumors about Monmouth cops, alcohol and underage drinking have been floating around town for months.

Pictures that recently surfaced speak for themselves. The photos were taken last summer at Monmouth cop Terry Hepner's home. The girls in the photos are drinking - and they're underage. Officer Randy Ewing stands smiling in between them. He was on-duty at the time.

Monmouth Police Chief Brad Ziegler says he's very disappointed with the incident. The officers were disciplined in September. He wouldn't say what their punishment was, but did say the situation's been resolved. All 3 cops there that night are now back on duty. Prosecutors didn't file any criminal charges against the officers.

I guess if you have a badge, especially in a small town, the law and its consequences don't apply to you.

USC player gets played

2006-03-07T01:03:00.000-05:00

USC guard Gabe Pruitt gave some crafty Cal students a way into his head at the foul-line....resulting in a couple missed free-throws and a loss for SC.

When USC guard Gabe Pruitt took his first trip to the free throw line early in the game, the Cal student section hollered in unison: "VIC-TOR-IA, VIC-TOR-IA," and then yelled out a telephone number. Pruitt glanced back at the crowd in horror and bewilderment before clanking his free throws.

It turns out that a couple of students from the Cal student section had been IMing with Pruitt all week under the identity of "Victoria," a fictional UCLA hottie, and Pruitt was eagerly anticipating a date with this girl after the game. In preparation for the date, Pruitt had handed over his digits, which the Cal student section recited back to him in unison.

Pruitt, a 79% free throw shooter this season, missed both shots after the "VIC-TOR-IA" chants began, and hit only three out of 13 shots the whole game. Cal beat USC by 11 for the season sweep.

Big Stars just don't get Jon Stewart

2006-03-06T22:55:00.000-05:00

Judging by the audience's reception to Jon Stewart, he will find his place in Oscar hosting history alongside Chris Rock and David Letterman, both of whom were judged to be poor hosts. Rich Hollywood stars just don't get Jon Stewart

Coming back from one break, Stewart pretended to be in mid-sentence. "And that is why I think Scientology is right, not just for this city, but for the country," he said, clearly mocking some stars' commitment to Scientology. Hollywood sat silent.

Instructing the audience to not pirate films, Stewart referred to the rich and lavishly dressed audience and said, "These are the people you're stealing from." Those people did not find his remark funny.

Re-merger

2006-03-06T19:32:00.000-05:00

AT&T is nearing a deal to acquire BellSouth Corp. for $65 billion.

Together, AT&T and BellSouth could have combined market capitalization of nearly $160 billion, dwarfing rival Verizon. The merged company would have 70 million local-line phone customers and nearly 10 million broadband subscribers. The two companies also own Cingular, the largest wireless carrier in the United States, and Yellowpages.com, an online directory.

Good thing the federal government spent all that time and money to break them up in 1984.

Politically Correct

2006-03-03T12:30:00.000-05:00

I saw these on some website. I thought they were funny enough to share.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

9. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

10. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"

Man Offered Job Back After Media Learns of Story

2006-03-02T14:32:00.000-05:00

Remember my post yesterday about the guy who was fired because he refused to go to work because he wanted to remain by his dying wife's side. If you didn't, scroll down and read it before reading this one.

The company that fired a 13-year employee as his wife lay dying of brain cancer said Wednesday it has offered him his job back – with back pay. But Bernard Chippie, a sales representative for carpet-cleaning company Rug Doctor, said he isn’t sure if the offer is valid – or if he’d take it if it were.

“I don’t think the offer is one of compassion. They’re afraid of what I might do (a lawsuit),” he said.

I think a lawsuit has better retirement benefits.

Article here.

Man fired after being at dying wife's bedside

2006-03-01T19:18:00.000-05:00

A man said he was fired from his job of 13 years for staying with his wife as she died of brain cancer.

Bernard Chippie, a sales representative for a carpet-cleaning company, said he notified his employer on Feb. 13 that he would not be able to finish his weekly route because he had just learned his wife had between two days and a week to live.

"There was never a question of where I needed to be," Chippie said. He went to Kathleen Chippie's bedside at a hospice that day.

Three days later — a Thursday — his boss at Rug Doctor LP demanded that Chippie be at work the next day, Chippie said. Chippie said he couldn't and was fired, he said.

His wife died that Sunday at the age of 56.

Kids build soybean-fueled car

2006-03-01T12:20:00.000-05:00

The star at last week's Philadelphia Auto Show wasn't a sports car or an economy car. It was a sports-economy car — one that combines performance and practicality under one hood.

But as CBS News correspondent Steve Hartman reports in this week's Assignment America, the car that buyers have been waiting decades comes from an unexpected source and runs on soybean bio-diesel fuel.

A car that can go from zero to 60 in four seconds and get more than 50 miles to the gallon would be enough to pique any driver's interest. So who do we have to thank for it. Ford? GM? Toyota? No — just five kids from the auto shop program at West Philadelphia High School.

The five kids, along with a handful of schoolmates, built the soybean-fueled car as an after-school project. It took them more than a year — rummaging for parts, configuring wires and learning as they went. As teacher Simon Hauger notes, these kids weren't exactly the cream of the academic crop. "We have a number of high school dropouts," he says. "We have a number that have been removed for disciplinary reasons and they end up with us."

"We made this work," says Hauger. "We're not geniuses. So why aren't they [auto manufacturers] doing it?" The answer, he says, is the big oil companies.

Yeeeeeaaaahhh Boyeeeee!

2006-03-01T11:38:00.000-05:00

Smithsonian's National Museum of American History is preparing a hip-hop exhibit. The collected objects trace the evolution of hip-hop from its origins in the Bronx in the 1970s to its current global reach. The project is expected to cost as much as $2 million and take up to five years to complete.

Items to include two turntables and a microphone, gats, 40's, ho's & bitches, a couple ounces of Indo, a gang of Tanqueray, bling bling, and the Shroud Of Tupac.

Article here.

Higher Insurance Rates for Blue Collar Workers

2006-03-01T10:43:00.000-05:00

Geico discriminates against poor people, the good news is, they just made a bunch of money by you paying 70% more on your car insurance.

Geico insurance charges more to insure the automobiles of customers who have a lower occupational status or educational background. In a February 2004 document entitled "Geico Auto Group Guide to Company Placement," the insurer explains how "unskilled and semi-skilled blue- and gray-collar workers" are more of a risk and should be charged higher rates accordingly."

Risks who have achieved at least a high school diploma or its equivalent are more favorable than those without a high school education," the document explains. "Bachelors, masters and other advanced degrees are considered most favorable.

"The New Jersey Star-Ledger compared the rates of a 30-year-old single male from Newark and found if he were a lawyer with a master's degree he'd pay $1686 a year. If he were a high school educated janitor, he would pay $2880 -- 70 percent more.

I hope he wins.

2006-02-28T14:10:00.000-05:00

The president of a national strip club chain is running for the Mehlville School Board in south St. Louis County. Michael Ocello, 46, a husband and father of three, hopes to win one of two seats on the Mehlville board.

Citizens are outraged.

Cheerleaders being recruited for next career.

Bill Clinton looking to fill 25 "positions"

2006-02-27T15:49:00.000-05:00

Ladies, get out your best blue cocktail dress; Bill Clinton is looking for new interns.

They are looking for "hands-on" experience.

I wonder if they have to supply their own kneepads.

" ...no matter which branch of the Clinton Foundation you work in, you will experience some similarities between each of the programs: •Hands-on experienceInterns have the responsibility of interacting directly with staff..."

OK, OK. I'll stop. Click here to read the posting.

Driver responsibility taxes turn a single out-of-state speeding ticket into an annual fee.

2006-02-22T02:56:00.000-05:00

New laws allow some states to tax drivers annually -- even if they live in another state -- simply because they received a speeding ticket. One Connecticut motorist, who asked that his name not be used, discovered this after driving in October in Niagara Falls, New York. Despite being caught in what he considered a brazen speed trap -- the speed limit was 45 MPH where he was caught, but 55 MPH at the same location in the opposite direction -- he accepted the $155 fine for driving 72 MPH thinking by paying the matter would be settled.

Last week, however, the state of New York notified him that it now considers him an "at risk" driver and therefore he must either pay the state an annual $100 tax or a lump sum of $300.

"Seems to me the low speeding fine was bait for a guilty plea so they could slap this on me a month or two down the road," the motorist explained. "I call that entrapment in the first degree."

Driver responsibility taxes were inspired by the insurance industry practice of turning minor speeding violations into a recurring source of revenue. Though sold as affecting only "bad drivers" like those convicted of driving while drunk or on a suspended license, the extra fees kick in with just a few points on the driving record.

Michigan, New Jersey and Texas also impose this tax, and the idea is spreading. With a 34-6 vote on Friday, the Virginia state Senate approved a "bad driver" tax championed by new governor Timothy M. Kaine (D) that is expected to net $67.2 million in the first year and a total of $401.4 million by 2010.

Exxon refuses to pay

2006-02-20T20:52:00.000-05:00

Exxon Mobil Corp still refuses to pay for 1989 Valdez spill fine despite posting third quarter earnings of excess of $10 billion.

It’s been nearly 17 years since the Exxon Valdez spilled 11 million gallons of crude oil along the Alaska coast in one of the country’s worst environmental disasters, and a jury’s $5 billion judgment against the company is still tied up in the courts.

Exxon Mobil Corp.’s appeal of that punishment was scheduled to be heard for the third time Friday afternoon in a federal appeals court in San Francisco. (The case stems from a 1994 decision by an Anchorage jury to award punitive damages to 34,000 fishermen and other Alaskans.)

Solar Panels

2006-02-20T20:19:00.000-05:00

In a scientific breakthrough that has stunned the world, a team of South African scientists has developed a revolutionary new, highly efficient solar power technology that will enable homes to obtain all their electricity from the sun. The unique South African-developed solar panels will make it possible for houses to become completely self-sufficient for energy supplies. The panels are able to generate enough energy to run stoves, geysers, lights, TVs, fridges, computers - in short all the mod-cons of the modern house.

A team of scientists led by University of Johannesburg (formerly Rand Afrikaans University) scientist Professor Vivian Alberts achieved the breakthrough after 10 years of research.

The South African solar panels consist of a thin layer of a unique metal alloy that converts light into energy. The photo-responsive alloy can operate on virtually all flexible surfaces, which means it could in future find a host of other applications. Alberts said the new panels are approximately five microns thick (a human hair is 20 microns thick) while the older silicon panels are 350 microns thick. Tthe cost of the technology is a fraction of the less effective silicone solar panels.

This is your cell phone. This is your cell phone on drugs. Any questions?

2006-02-20T18:40:00.000-05:00

This is why you should just put the damn phone down or get a headset while driving:

A Lexington, Kentucky woman and her daughter flipped over in their SUV and rolled into the berm. Passers-by stopped to help and found the woman, her arm missing, pinned in the car. They later found her arm—still clutching a cellphone. Both victims survived the crash.

Tracking Cell Phones

2006-02-16T05:19:00.000-05:00

Remember when the FBI director promised that the government wouldn't abuse a law requiring cellphones to report their location?

You may already know this, but your cell phone happens to be a miniature tracking device that can be used to monitor your location.

The FBI and the U.S. Department of Justice have seized on the ability to locate a cellular customer and are using it to track Americans' whereabouts surreptitiously--even when there's no evidence of wrongdoing.

A pair of court decisions in the last few weeks shows that judges are split on whether this is legal. One federal magistrate judge in Wisconsin on Jan. 17 ruled it was unlawful, but another nine days later in Louisiana decided that it was perfectly OK.

It's also unfortunate because it demonstrates that the FBI swore never to use a 1994 surveillance law to track cellular phones--but then, secretly, went ahead and did it anyway.

When lobbying for that law, the Communications Assistance for Law Enforcement Act, then-FBI Director Louis Freeh assured the U.S. Senate that location surveillance would never take place unless there was evidence of wrongdoing.

So much for promises from politicians.

Parents don't see crisis over science and math; Others do

2006-02-15T16:46:00.000-05:00

Fifty-seven percent of parents are fine with the amount of math and science taught in schools, the other 63 percent not so sure.

Nationwide, a new poll shows, many parents are content with the science and math education their children get -- a starkly different view than that held by national leaders.

Full article here.

Doctor Macgyver admits implanting screwdriver in patient.

2006-02-15T16:39:00.000-05:00

A family in Hilo, Hawaii, has sued a doctor after the man admitted he implanted a screwdriver into the neck of a patient, instead of titanium rods.

Doctor Robert Ricketson said that during a surgery on Iturralde, a nurse told him there were no more titanium rods for his neck.

Ricketson said he did not feel he could risk keeping the man under anesthetic with an unstable spine for any longer so he made the decision to substitute the rods with a screwdriver, according to the report.

An attending nurse, Janelle Feldmeyer, said she was kicked out of the operating by Ricketson and later found out from a co-worker at Hilo Medical Center how the surgery ended.

"She said Dr. Ricketson used a screwdriver that he cut apart from the instrumentation tray," Feldmeyer said. "And I said to Theresa at that time, 'He can not do that.'"

Feldmeyer said she complained to superiors at the hospital on different occasions but was told to keep quiet.

Valentine's Day Cards for Your Loved Ones

2006-02-14T06:30:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T06:20:00.000-05:00

Survey finds that for Valentine's Day, 12% of women want perfume, 32% want flowers, 4% would like a sex toy, and 15 % don't expect any gift at all.

98% would consider murdering you in your sleep if you forget.

.esrever ni snur niarb ruoY

2006-02-13T19:38:00.000-05:00

When faced with a new learning task, our brains replay events in reverse, much like a video on rewind, a new study suggests.

This type of reverse-replay is also used in artificial intelligence research to help computers make decisions. The finding could explain why we learn tasks more easily if we take frequent study breaks: the pauses between sessions give our brains time to review information.

Full article here.

Don't bring oregano into Home Ec. either.

2006-02-13T04:54:00.000-05:00

Apparently police in Illinois have placed all other criminals behind bars and now arrest a 12-year-old boy who brought powdered sugar to school for a science project and charge him with a felony for possessing a look-alike drug.

Police in Aurora, Illinios have confirmed that a 12-year-old boy who said he brought powdered sugar to school for a science project last week has been charged with a felony for possessing a look-alike drug.

The sixth grade student at Waldo Middle School in Aurora also was suspended for two weeks from school after showing the bag of powdered sugar to his friends.

Asinine scale: 9

Animated Males

2006-02-13T03:17:00.000-05:00

Male characters outnumbered females 3-to-1 overall in top-grossing G-rated films from 1990 to 2004, according to a study whose sponsors say the disparity diminishes the importance of women in children's eyes.

In the 101 animated and live-action films examined, 28 per cent of speaking characters were female, and just 17 per cent of people in crowd scenes were female, researchers found in the study released Thursday by See Jane.

I think that they are just trying to balance it out because X-rated films show the opposite trend.

The Hoff is Sexy with Pepsi

2006-02-13T03:04:00.000-05:00

Here's an image from what is apparently an ad campaign in Australia. If that doesn't make you thirsty, nothing will.

Pre-Neolithic tribe?

2006-02-09T15:28:00.000-05:00

One of the world's last Stone Age tribes has murdered two fishermen whose boat drifted on to a desert island in the Indian Ocean.

Wait..... what? (Shown to the right is the boat of the murdered fishermen and the tribesmen who seized it.)

The Sentinelese, thought to number between 50 and 200, have rebuffed all contact with the modern world, firing a shower of arrows at anyone who comes within range.

They are believed to be the last pre-Neolithic tribe in the world to remain isolated and appear to have survived the 2004 Asian tsunami.

The men killed, Sunder Raj, 48, and Pandit Tiwari, 52, were fishing illegally for mud crabs off North Sentinel Island, a speck of land in the Andaman and Nicobar Islands archipelago.

Fellow fishermen said they dropped anchor for the night on January 25 but fell into a deep sleep, probably helped by large amounts of alcohol. During the night their anchor, a rock tied to a rope, failed to hold their open-topped boat against the currents and they drifted towards the island.

"As day broke, fellow fishermen say they tried to shout at the men and warn them they were in danger," said Samir Acharya, the head of the Society for Andaman and Nicobar Ecology, an environmental organisation. "However they did not respond - they were probably drunk - and the boat drifted into the shallows where they were attacked and killed."

The Indian coast guard tried to recover the bodies using a helicopter but was met by a hail of arrows.
Photographs shot from the helicopter show the near-naked tribesmen rushing to fire. But the downdraught from its rotors exposed the two fishermen buried in shallow graves and not roasted and eaten, as local rumour suggested.

Attempts to recover the bodies have been suspended, although the Andaman Islands police chief, Dharmendra Kumar, said an operation might be mounted later.

Environmental groups urged the authorities to leave the bodies and respect the five-kilometre exclusion zone thrown around the island. In the 1980s and early 1990s many Sentinelese were killed in skirmishes with armed salvage operators who visited the island after a shipwreck. Since then the tribesmen have remained virtually undisturbed.

Swedes abandon oil

2006-02-09T14:22:00.000-05:00

Swedes abandon oil, switch to hot blonde-based economy.

Sweden is to take the biggest energy step of any advanced western economy by trying to wean itself off oil completely within 15 years - without building a new generation of nuclear power stations.

The attempt by the country of 9 million people to become the world's first practically oil-free economy is being planned by a committee of industrialists, academics, farmers, car makers, civil servants and others, who will report to parliament in several months.

The intention, the Swedish governement said Tuesday, is to replace all fossil fuels with renewables before climate change destroys economies and growing oil scarcity leads to huge price increases.

Full article here.

23 year old marries 14 year old

2006-02-09T14:02:00.000-05:00

Falls City, Nebraska: A 23-year-old man was sentenced to more than a year in prison Tuesday on a sexual assault charge filed after he impregnated a teenager, then married her last spring when she was 14.

Koso and the girl legally married in Kansas in May, after the teen's mother gave the couple permission. Kansas does not have a minimum age as long as there is parental or judicial consent; Nebraska requires those getting married to be at least 17.

I know you're waiting for the joke here. Actually my heart kind of goes out to him for being a stand-up guy and marrying the girl. However, what the hell is a 23 year old doing with a 14 year old?

I bet you didn't notice his tie in the picture. Ahhh the fans of NASCAR.

He Ain't No Fortunate Son

2006-02-07T13:28:00.000-05:00

Soldier wounded in Iraq billed $700 by Army for returning damaged body armor following being blown up.

The last time 1st Lt. William “Eddie” Rebrook IV saw his body armor, he was lying on a stretcher in Iraq, his arm shattered and covered in blood. A field medic tied a tourniquet around Rebrook’s right arm to stanch the bleeding from shrapnel wounds. Soldiers yanked off his blood-soaked body armor. He never saw it again.

But last week, Rebrook was forced to pay $700 for that body armor, blown up by a roadside bomb more than a year ago.

He was leaving the Army for good because of his injuries. He turned in his gear at his base in Fort Hood, Texas. He was informed there was no record that the body armor had been stripped from him in battle.
He was told to pay nearly $700 or face not being discharged for weeks, perhaps months.

Rebrook scrounged up the cash from his Army buddies and returned home last Friday. “I last saw the [body armor] when it was pulled off my bleeding body while I was being evacuated in a helicopter,” Rebrook said. “They took it off me and burned it.” But no one documented that he lost his Kevlar body armor during battle, he said. No one wrote down that armor had apparently been incinerated as a biohazard.

No Stopping Google

2006-02-06T16:55:00.000-05:00

Google is working on a project to create its own global internet protocol (IP) network, a private alternative to the internet controlled by the search giant, according to sources who are in commercial negotiation with the company.

Late last year, Google purchased a 270,000sq ft telecom interconnection facilities in New York. It is believed that from here, Google plans to link up and power the dark fibre system and turn it into a working internet network of its own.

It was also reported in November that Google was buying shipping containers and building data centres within them, possibly with the aim of using them at significant nodes within the worldwide cable network. "Google hired a pair of very bright industrial designers to figure out how to cram the greatest number of CPUs, the most storage, memory and power support into a 20- or 40-foot box," Robert Cringely wrote. "The idea is to plant one of these puppies anywhere Google owns access to fiber, basically turning the entire Internet into a giant processing and storage grid."

Google became self aware at 2:14 AM Eastern time on August 29th. In a panic, they tried to pull the plug.....

Worlds Worst/Weakest Criminal

2006-02-02T14:32:00.000-05:00

In Milwaukee a pursesnatcher picked a fight with the wrong woman.

Police said a man pointed a gun at a 90-year-old woman and tried to take her purse. She put up a fight, wrestling with the robber even after getting thrown to the ground.

Way to go Grandma!